Bethenny...

first... a little Anne Taintor...

now back to Bethenny Ever After...I am almost embaressed to admit how much I love Bethenny...Having spent many hours on the sofa in front of the TV during the past 6 months, I have seen some pretty bad tv...Housewives of ANY COUNTY - is my idea of pergatory on Earth, and even Bethenny was painful to watch on NY Housewives, but now that she has her own show, and she is removed from the "housewife" drama - I have to admit - she makes me belly laugh - and you know how I love a belly laugh (it's like enjoyable stomach crunches)

and I LOVE how she and Jason communicate - and how Jason reminds her that she sometimes lives in "Bethenny world" and he brings her back to reality...it's nice to have someone in life to bring you back to reality - luckily I have Ironman!

here's a pic of Bethenny and fam dressed up for Halloween - and seriously, if you like to laugh, check out the show!

Just rambling...

I have a friend who has wanted something for as long as I have known her...and now that she has it, her blog posts and FB status updates are always full of complaints...Everytime I read something from her, I just shake my head and promise not to fall into that negativity...

Do you ever want to just tell people to suck it up?  I can't harp on anyone or try to change their outlook, but I think life is a lot easier if we try to be happy for what we have.  I believe we all have the power to make ourselves happy - it might not be easy or immediate, but no one can be forced to stay miserable. 

I'm rather miserable TODAY - but I know it's temporary.  Shortness of breath (anemia, I think) and the sweating from steroids isn't particularly comfortable, but I did go to see the girls run a 1mile race yesterday and thanks to Ironman, I am taking it easy today.  Blue skies tomorrow... and hopefully a few laughs!

Here's Morgan with her "hardware"  - 3rd place in her age division...

and then another little girl learned the hard lesson that not everyone gets a medal everytime...Avery is smiling here, but there were quite a few tears when the winners were announced...but I think it's important for both girls to realize that everyday isn't perfect, but we still manage to make the best of them!

after all - we all celebrated with breakfast at Cracker Barrel!!  doesn't bacon fix everything???

The last time...

A friend Erin who recently endured her last chemo treatment sent me a message on Monday.  She told me to remember that as I battle through the chemo side effects this time - I need to keep reminding myself that this is the LAST TIME!  I've said it aloud to my empty house more than once this week - if my walls could talk!

But it's true - I've made it this far...What's a few more days...

Morgan fell asleep holding my hand tonight.  I had tears in my eyes as she told me about her dream where Mommy isn't sick anymore - oh boy...how this had affected all of us...from Shane and the girls to my mom who has really pitched in with the girls, to Ashley who has been confronted full force with running an accounting business during the busiest time of the year, to Jen who has found ways to cheer me up on even the darkest days, and all of my family and friends who have pitched in to make life a little more normal for us...

Pre-cancer, I took 5 meds for anxiety and migraines - once my daily cancer regimen started, I slowly phased out the 5 meds.  I mean how many pills could I swallow in a day??  And plus, as I fought cancer, I stopped worrying about all of the little things - the things that made me need those 5 pills...

Now of course I will talk to my doctor, and I may need to reintroduce some of those meds, but I seriously doubt my anxiety will ever reach the pre-cancer level - I simply won't let it.  I have always thought a laugh could turn any day around - and  I believe that more than ever now... but along with the laughing, I will stop and celebrate the little things...

I don't ever want to be too busy to read that bedtime story, or hear about the class pet, or take that long weekend with Ironman... what is more important than my family?

I can't wait to get creative again...I have missed my scrapbook room and playing with paper and pictures...

My "To-Do" list is full, but it is so different than my pre-cancer lists - this time it is only filled with enjoyable things...no laundry - who cares if the laundry is done...we can always buy more socks!!!

Now make sure you find something to laugh about!!  I promise it will make you feel better!

The insomnia cure...

No, it doesn't make me fall back asleep - 100mg of Prednisone a day is a hard match for anything...

Pinterest is my newest obsession!  It's a site that allows you to "pin" (aka bookmark) things from anywhere - websites, blogs, pics - seriously anything and then group them together on "boards".  If you are totally confused or a little curious see my stuff here.  Now, I can search for my favorite things on etsy and all the other beautiful things on the World Wide Web of vastness and keep them in one place.  When you "pin" something it carries with it the source information - brilliant!! So everyone can link back to the original item. 

I'm creating Color Inspiration Boards to give me a little creative spark for scrapbbooking.  I'm hoping that soon, Pinterest will allow you to copy an entire Board to a blog - that way I can issue "challenges" and award prizes - who doesn't love a prize?...and I have received so many wonderful scrapping goodies during this cancer thing, I want to share.

Getting onto Pinterest is a little like getting an invitation to the "cool kids party".  You have to request an invite.  Mine took two weeks - probably good since I was pretty productive in tax return land last week, and Pinterest could possibly have impeded that productivity (just a note - I did finish a tax return before I started pinning tonight...and it is 5am - so my clients probably don't want me working on a tax return with no sleep - Pinterest it is!!!)

If you are on Pinterest - let me know...I want to check out your goodies!  Now go lose yourself in Pinterest - don't worry - you can thank me later!

Blue skies ahead...

Finally made it to the LAST CHEMO...Bald and Fluffy but thrilled to be alive!!!  Kicking Stage 4 Lymphoma everyday!

And now, a little stroll down memory lane...

This is from the end of my very first chemo where I sufferred from "Chaive".... a disorder where newly diagnosed cancer patients naively believe that chemo will not disturb daily life...maybe for some, but that was not the case for me!! 

Chemo #2...still had a little of my own hair under the beret...very little...

Chemo #3 - and I moved to wig territory...should have held out and ordered a little darker shade, but I was BALD for jimminy crickets!!!!  I couldn't wait!!

Hats and wigs...I have a closet full of cute winter hats...better work on some summer hats!

For some reason I didn't take any pics during Chemo #4 and #5.  Probably because I hated life and chose not to memoralize my misery with a photo!!

As soon as I started loosing hair, Ironman took the girls to buy hats - that's my sweet Ironman!!  The girls have kept me laughing wearing my hats, scarves, and occasionally my wig - but that's off limits until Mommy's hair comes back - we can't have "her" shedding!!

My certificate today from the best doctor and nurses in the world!!!

Now off to sleep...meds are kicking in...

Three Cheers for Lane Bryant!!!

The beautiful weather this weekend made me realize one thing...an additional 35 pounds means my new marshmallowness doesn't fit into last summer's shorts...exit "size 12" stage left and usher in "size 16"...why couldn't I have been one of the "Oh, I don't have any appetite and I've lost 35 pounds" type of chemo patient...they exist...and from my experience in the chemo chair, it's always the little old ladies who "get that kind"...as if cancer wasn't enough, but I get the added bonus of starting from scratch with a new wardrobe...sweet!!

Now let me pause here and make sure everyone knows that I'm very thankful for my new voluptuousness ...it indicates that I survived!!  I may be "fluffy" but I'm still kickin'!!! and for that I am grateful...given the choice, I would have chosen A or B and skipped this entire ordeal, but my prize said C for cancer and there were no exchanges!

So off to Lane Bryant I went...see Lane and I have a secret little love affair...I'm no stranger to the plus size world, I'm no skinny minny...so during the "thick" years (versus the more rare "thinner" ones), Lane and I are very good friends...

It just so happens that my last relationship with Lane ended in April 2008 after I completed the One Weigh diet program (and went on to be the One Weigh "poster" girl...see here and here for more on my tiny brush with fame)...since then I've been able to stay in an Ann Taylor Loft size 12 (because you know not all size 12's are created equally, and Ann is just a little more generous than other designers -  if you know what I mean...)

But Lane and Target have me clothed for the summer.  Lane helped with 2 pair of capris, 2 new bras and 2 cute tops.  Target helped round out the "wardobe" with 4 additional tops.  Now for the Public Service Announcement: 

I will be wearing these eight pieces of clothing until they fall apart. 

Don't act surprised if you see me in the same clothes all the time...you've been warned.  I consider this fluffiness temporary, kind of like pregnancy.  No reason to run out a buy a huge wardrobe for a temporary situtaion.  Now if we hit "winter" again (the Louisian version of winter), and I'm still fluffy, then I'll face facts and buy more than the essentials...but until then, I promise to laugh my way through the fluff, and I hope you you can join in the laughter!!

Beautiful weather and happy girls!

This weekend my college friend Jen came to visit with her girls...

Sure, the have bathing suits would suggest that we have a pool in the backyard, but no, they just ran in the sprinkler and went down the "waterslide" (swingset with slide plus a hose)...how come my girls don't find that nearly as fun when I suggest it??

The energy from the blood transfusion on Friday was instantaneous...I left OLOL singing the theme song from the Great American Hero...Come on... you remember... Sing along...

"Believe it or not I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee, Flying away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be, believe it or not, it's just me..."

Now how come I can remember the song and this picture:

But I can't remember anything about the show...hmmmm...selective memory, I think...

We had two beautiful weekend and I don't want to be greedy, but I sure would like another one!!  Hope you had a weekend filled with as many giggles as ours!

Fresh blood for breakfast...

Where does Billy Blood Drop keep his savings?... A blood bank...bet you never googled "blood transfusion jokes" before...well, I just did, and I'm sorry to announce there are too many links to mention...while most of the jokes aren't politically correct or particularly clean...they are pretty funny...

I'm having a blood transfusion tomorrow...ahhh... some really thick Red Blood Cell filled Blood...and although I know from last time that I don't leave running out to the Chariots of Fire song or the Rocky theme song...I do feel amazingly better in a few days...I'm to that pastey scary white color again...soooo NOT healthy looking!

True story...earlier this week I couldn't sleep...I mean I was wide awake and Morgan had already meandered downstairs during the night and taken over my spot in the bed, so I decided to give her bed a try...By the time I made it upstairs, the chest pains were so severe and I was so freaked out that I almost called 911 for an ambulance...I mean I've had the Neulesta sternum pain, but this was scary...I had the scene all played out in my head...I would tell 911 to send an ambulance without sirens or lights and I would meet the paramedics outside and climb into the ambulance...enjoy my ride to the hospital while under medical care...and then I would call Shane at a decent hour and let him know I was fine at OLOL Hospital...and yes, I do create elaborate and senseless scenes in my head in order to distract myself from reality...I particularly like dreaming about what I would do with my lottery winnings and I can count on  both the hands the number of lottery tickets I have bought since I have been of legal gambling age - ie. 12 in Louisiana...

so anyway...back to the story...guess what caused that insane shortness of breath...anemia...yep...the human body is amazing...don't kid yourself, because that cheeseburger you ate for lunch is somehow going to affect your little toe...truth people...

Which leads me to my other recent obsession...my post cancer diet...besides wanting to rid myself of the 35 pounds of "FLUID" I am retaining - ie: fat...I can't wait to rid my body of all these chemo chemicals and starchy carbs that have been my mainstay since Chemo #1...so without using a "label", I am making a list of foods that I would like to be my GO TO foods post cancer.  Ironman has so many books on healthy eating and good nutrition that he was more than happy to give me a list of suggestions...

So I started with "The Kind Diet" by Alicia Silverstone, yes the actress, but it is well researched and it is a down to earth read...So 60 pages into the book every reader has sworn off all meat, poultry and dairy products...I mean who would want to drink milk from cows that are kept in tight quarters and fed huge doses of hormones to  keep them lactating long after the calves have been swept away...easy...then I start back on my decorating magazines and I think, but I really like the occasional glass of chocolate milk...so maybe I could just drink a little Organic Milk when I need a fix...surely organic farmers are kinder to the cows...r worse...ya' know the Kleinpeter cows on the TV commercials look really happy, so maybe I would just keep a little Kleinpeter milk in the fridge...

now I'm onto my third decorating magazine and I remember how quick and easy it is to grab a piece of fat free string cheese on the go...and seriously there isn't anything natural about fat free cheese, so I"m sure no cow is harmed from the milk quotient..and damn...there you are back at the "don't eat highly processed foods rule"...and I think back to "The Kind Diet" book and I remember that humans are the only living being that drink the milk a) of another species and b) after infancy and then I remember - ewwww....weird...crap...I'm back to no dairy again...

and this is how mind works...nonstop...so as I type this I am eating a rice cake dipped in peanut butter...both pretty natural, but then I can't stop thinking about the fat content in the peanut butter or how they get the puffed rice to be in the round shape...all while drinking a Coke Zero which off course is on the BAD foods list...hello...caffeine, fake sugar, carbonation...nothing good for you, but somehow it still tastes good and I'm still drinking it...

So I'm hoping the Aleve takes over soon and I can move from this seated position and lose myself in my decorating magazines as I drift off to sleep dreaming of the Chariots of Fire theme song....

Cancer retaliation...

Sometimes I have such big plans but cancer just doesn't play along...I am taking an online art class and my plans for Saturday included lots of "art"...I even put up a second table in my scrapbook room...at the end of Saturday my accomplishments included a destroyed scrapbook room, one layout and two barely started canvases...pathetic...

my scrapbook room is in serious need of an intervention!!!  I'm so lucky we "trashed" the idea of a guest room in lieu of a scrapbook room! 

I found a new thrift store really close to my house and I scored a pair of orange and gold earrings for 75cents!!  You can see one of the earrings on the left side of the layouts - SWEET!!!  And below, my little girls on canvas....in need of major creativity boost..."and miles to go before I sleep"

But at least I didn't choose to maul myself...Shane did the Warrior Dash on Saturday along with 7,000 other freaks in New Orleans...I stopped listening to the list of "stupid human tricks" when Shane described the 3 foot trench covered in barbered wire that each willing participant had to navigate...REALLY???  I'm going to have to face the life insurance clause that says, " We don't insure crazy people" one day...

I went to bed Saturday night feeling deflated (not really, I'm very marshmallowy right now due to steroids), but I was in pain from the Neulesta shot and figured I wasn't going to make it to NOLA for Sunday's parades...But I woke up Sunday morning and said, "screw cancer" and we packed up the car...didn't hurt that I made sure I had Loritab and Phenergan "to go"...

Sunday was beautiful...I'm so glad I didn't miss...I even found a comfy spot to snooze after sampling the above mentioned "to go box"... I couldn't miss these smiling faces...

Now...here's where is gets ugly...Monday...Cancer Retaliates!!!  Oh brother...pain, nausea, fever...luckily Shane was home half day and our babysitter was available for the rest...God love Adriana!!  Still glad I went yesterday...wonderful memories in exchange for one nasty cancer day...and I am marking them down BABY!!

Generosity...

Dutchtown High School had a blood drive this week.  Jen's students were so sweet coming back from donating and saying, "It's for your sister, Sciortino"...although they totally played the "I'm weak and need to rest" after donating...seriously??  Do they think we never went to high school and donated blood simply so we could pull the "I donated blood card" all day??  Some things never change...

Now here's the amazing part...Jennifer Lofton the blood drive coordinator at DHS, Sherry Braud at OLOL Blood Center, Science Teacher Bobbie Keller and Asst Principal Caren Kavanaugh decided to donate half of the units to me now, and if no one else in the DHS community needs them by the end of the year, the other half will be credited to me also.

Why is this so incredible?  The OLOL Blood Bank sends me a generous check for these donations.  And although we have incredible insurance, there are always, the co-pays, the 20/80 "pays", the "oh, that was Out of Network payments"...you know, health insurance mumbo jumbo...So COMPLETELY GENEROUS!!!  I am overwhelmed that DHS and the OLOL Blood Bank is helping me this way.

Having cancer has been a continuous humbling journey in realizing just how generous people can be...and I will be sure to make "paying it forward" a major part of our lifestyle for the rest of our lives...

Ashley and Jen are still training for a half marathon in Nashville as part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program.  Thanks to family, friends and clients, Ashley has met her goal and Jen is well on her way.  Please visit Jen's Team In Training page here to check on her progress...

I can't believe I'm almost finished "chemo week".  The nausea didn't really kick in until today - very thankful for that.  I'm pretty sure I'm riding the high of the PET Scan news...nothing can stop me now!!!

Partying like it's 1999!!

In 1999, I was closing out year two of being married to my best friend - we were footloose and worry free...fast forward 13 years and two princesses later and we were blindsided by this nasty cancer business...but the PET Scan results are in....

on Monday, we found out that 75% of my cancer is GONE PECAN.  The new PET scan was not nearly as Chernobylish at the first one...there is still some slight glowing, but not like before...

so I only have to endure two last chemos (one of which was Monday, so only one to go) and then two treatments of Rituxan which is a drug that fights the protein created by lymphoma (if you are a medical profession and I totally botched that Rituxan explanation - just work with me...)   Good news for the girls is that my hair will start growing back during Rituxan - good news for me...Rituxan is not chemo, therefore I should feel human again!!

So 11 1/2 weeks to go...then hopefully my medi-port can be removed (you think the surgeon could remove a few other things while he is removing the port...you know...my double chin...the genetic round cheeks...just little things like that?)

I have so many plans... and NONE of them involve the worrying and anxiety that plagued my life pre-cancer...seriously...after cancer - what really matters - I'll tell you what really matters...

that Ironman and I enjoy a fabulous life together raising our two beautiful girls...because really...THAT is what matters???

PS - here's how excited Shane and the girls are...

Ok - just kidding - those were taken at Nick's birthday party before we got the news - but I'm sure that's what they WANTED to do after the heard the good news (especially Shane)! 

Thank you for all of the prayers, well wishes, messages and emails.  Please don't stop now...I need every one - I treasure every one!!!  They are saved in my "Kick It" folder and I will save them forever!