don't ask - I don't know how it happened, but last night I started sobbing...like totally irrational over nothing can't breath sobbing...poor Ironman just wanted to fix it, but there was nothing to fix
It wasn't a pity party, I'm not mad because I have cancer and it's totally unfair, my children weren't kidnapped... no, none of that...just sobbing...so I finally fall asleep (term used loosely)...toss and turn all night...and what happens today...return of the sobbing...this is crazy...after four hours this morning, my head was pounding...I could hardly think straight...luckily Ashley suggests drugs - legal of course...
so I swallow 2 steroids, a loritab and a phenergan to stop the pounding in my head and then upon Ashley's suggestion, I chase that with two Xanax...it's no wonder that i didn't think of "vitamin X" considering I stopped anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds over 4 months ago...
so I texted Ashley with a record of my medicinal intake...just in case the paramedics were called for my impending cardiac arrest...and an hour later, I was devoid of any emotional responses at all...It did the trick, I mean I had to stop the bleeding, it's quite possible I would be in the fetal position still sobbing if I hadn't taken Ashley's advice..
Surely there is some crazy hormonal imbalance in my body - am I menopausal due to the chemo? - yes, I think so, am I coming out of it? I hope so! Are my hormones depleted/raging/mad at me??? it's quite a mystery...and then the core question...How long do I give these insane hormones time to settle down before seeking professional help?? I mean, there must be happy medium between a sobbing buffoon and the xanax induced robot, right??
Why I am sharing this with you? Who knows...I'm an open book and I just can't help myself - plus the last few posts were "pretty rosy", so we all needed a reality check. Anyway, it's safe to say that everything is fine...for now...and I'll keep you posted on any further "commit her to a padded cell meltdowns"
PS - if there was ever a doubt in my head, this squashes it...upon seeing me - bald, eyes swollen shut, nose running, mascara caked into my crows feet - Ironman still manages to love me and tell me I'm beautiful...please don't anyone take away his rose colored glasses - he's going to need them for a while!!!