Who needs TV?

I mean, I couldn't make this stuff up...

So last night, M&A are in the bathtub and Mo starts crying that she slipped and hurt her butt. I'm like "whatever" - just get out of the tub and dry off. But the crying is getting louder and I figure Social Services would want me to check on her. So I get off my bed, put my book down and go into my bathroom to find a bleeding hiney - I'm an accountant - I don't do blood!

So I dry her off - while she is wailing in my ear, and lay her on my bed, keeping calm the entire time (pretty much). So one side of her butt has about 5 pretty deep scratches and the other cheek has a cut. All of which is bleeding. And Morgan is yelling that we need to go to the doctor.

I know I'm an accountant, but I can look at it and see there is no need for stitches, but Drama Queen isn't satisfied by a layman's opinion. So I call Uncle Bryan who luckily lives in the compound and is a Physician Assistant and he comes over to calm Morgan's fears and tells her she'll be just fine.

So I have Morgan on my bed and I'm trying to put bandaids on the bleeding areas which is WAY difficult because she is clenching her butt cheeks and the bleeding areas are almost inside.... Are you picturing this ridiculous scene???

So naturally, she has a meltdown that there is NO WAY that she could go to school today because she couldn't sit on the hard chair and there is NO WAY that I can tell her teacher what happened because that would be the most mortifying thng for a first grader...

So, guess who is spending the day with Mommy???? I know, sucker.....