Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Question and Answer Session

QUESTION FROM KRISSY: I want to hear more about the Dirty Santa Party. I attended a school mom's Christmas night out last year and thought I might give you a bit of a chuckle regarding my white elephant gift. I happened upon a pair of frosty the snowman boxer shorts at kmart, of all places. The eyes of coal and large, quite droopy, elongated carrot nose are strategically placed on the front of the get the idea. Unknown to me, my hubby saw the wrapped gift at the door and decided to be mr. funny man. He taped a written prescription, from an old prescription pad on the bottom of the box. It read: nightly fellatio (did I spell that right...i am turning red as a frickin beet while typing that word) as needed, Doctor's orders. The prudish mom who got my gift was a bit taken aback. The worst part is that everyone else showed up with a real gift like stationary, chocolate or a plant. I'm sure i came off looking like a big ho. Maybe it was just a secret santa party and not a white elephant did I miss that tidbit of information.

ANSWER: See Krissy – this is why we are still friends...we have the same warped sense of humor… Our friends host a “Dirty Dirty Santa” party each year. Everyone brings a “dirty” gift (rude and tasteless and completely devoid of any practical use). Then the swapping begins. #1 chooses a gift from under the tree…#2 chooses a gift from under the tree or steals a previous gift…I think the gifts are best “explained” through a pictorial…
This year a doctor included in his gift a sample to Viagra…let’s just say….it was a HOT ITEM!

QUESTION FROM DEBORAH Z: I have been reading your blog, and have talked my husband into taking me to the Habitat for Humanity Store near Elysian Fields in New Orleans the next time I go to New Orleans to my doctor. My doctor is located on Magazine Street. I am looking for an old window with about six panes to hang on a wall. I plan to scrapbook each pane. Do you know of any other flea market type stores in that area in New Orleans I could browse through? I plan to take the day off work.

ANSWER: LOVE the Habitat store!!! And what a good man to take you there!!  You will have dozens of window choices. Make sure to check out the art section inside near the back. Another favorite is River Road Flea Market ( – I always find at least one “treasure”!! If you have time, stop at Jefferson Flea Market. It is FILLED with small items – dishes, collectibles, junk… (

Here are a few treasures that I have found/made with items from the Habitat store (with the help of my handyman boyfriend Kevin)...

the $5 mailbox:

a window screen turned into a memory board:

this frame was made by layering two pieces of trim wood found in the outside yard:

Enjoy! And be sure to show me your “treasures”!!

QUESTION FROM DAWN H AND MARSELL: Must an employer issue a 1099 regardless of how low the income? Say, $200? Thx!

I have a (former) client who refuses to send me a 1099, as they're no longer in business. Isn't he legally obligated to do so? And if he doesn't, do I create one on his behalf - or just track the income and not worry about it?  Hey, you said tax questions were okay. ;-)

ANSWER:  And they are perfectly OK – so here’s the deal. If you earn $600 or more, you SHOULD receive a 1099. A business is required to issue 1099’s to individual contractors earning more than $600. For example if Bellanger &McQuiddy hires a CPA to do tax returns and he reports income under his Social Security number (not a business name) and he earns over $600 – we need to send him a 1099. But we don’t have to send a 1099 to the guy who cuts the grass because his business is incorporated and he reports income under a business tax ID number.

Jason – you don’t have to create any kind of 1099, just report the income. Here’s the part my clients don’t like…Even if you don’t receive a 1099, you are required to report all income received…the choice is yours (since you aren't my client)…

QUESTION FROM ANONYMOUS: Who's your favorite sister? Just asking.

Are you kidding?? I don’t like either of them – clearly you haven’t met them!! BUT, they are my sisters, therefore I LOVE each of them equally yet for different reasons…

Ashley (in alphabetical order) is nutty about saving Coke Rewards for me…she never misses a day of work…she visits me at chemo every time WITH sonic drinks…she remembers where I “stack” work stuff…she generally keeps track of my day to day activities when I can’t remember…How could I not love that??

Jen calls me randomly with funny stories and makes me laugh like a buffoon, she owns every kitchen gadget/appliance ever made – and one day that may come in handy…she makes really yummy desserts…and she stays away from the minute details of my life...thankfully because I don't need two personal assistants...LOVE!

QUESTION FROM ANN:  I want a new nickname for you. "Cancer Girl" Defines you with the disease and is negative energy and thoughts. Healthy Heather, Mighty Mom, Woman Warrior, Iron Woman just a few suggestions. You are much more creative than me. Love you my friend.

ANSWER: Negativity be gone!!  I’m all for a more positive nickname – I’m usually self-deprecating with my “humor” – term used loosely. Votes anyone?? More Suggestions??

QUESTION FROM DAWN H:  I am SO THANKFUL for the close-ups of Pioneer Woman's cowboy hubby in chaps. His Wrangler-covered backside is the stuff that dreams are made of. If only there were some way to get poster-size prints made and hang them around the house without making my own hubby jealous, or causing my kids to wonder what is wrong with Mommy...

Which leads to my question for you, Miss Heather... what part of a man's physique interests you the most?

Clearly from this picture – you can see that I love Ironman for his sense of style!!! Actually... I like a good butt. And thankfully the girls were blessed with his booty rather than my pancake flat butt!

QUESTION FROM DONNA B: Can't wait to see the Q & A's. I'll start. What is your absolute favorite treat?
ANSWER: Oh, I have so many favorite treats!!! The non-edible kind…scrapbook goodies and belly laughing and falling asleep holding either Morgan or Avery’s hand…edible…sushi, doberge cake, Grecian sauce with pita bread, good king cake, banana bread, raw oysters, oh, I could go on…the picture of this king cake is making want to get in the car and drive to NOLA for a colorful sugary bit of heaven!!!

QUESTION FROM DONNA B: How are your sweet angels handling your illness/treatment?

ANSWER: Morgan is a little me – therefore she worries, blows everything out of proportion and gets stress migraines…so Mommy’s cancer is probably harder on her…She always asks me to keep my cap on…she is quite obsessed with the hair loss

Avery is our happy go lucky carefree child…that’s not to say that she hasn’t cried at school because her “Mommy is sick” or she hasn’t crawled up on my lap and cried – they both have. And both of them are especially sensitive during a week when I’m feeling rotten. They definitely feel the void. And knowing that they are affected pushes me to get out of bed and give them as much attention as possible. Lately, the girls take turns going to sleep with me in my bed. This is a new practice – post cancer…but it’s a very special time for me, because somehow in the dark alone with Mommy is when the talking starts… I hear about if they were sad during the day, of if they are upset because I have spent a week in bed… and most precious to me, each one falls asleep holding my hand…sometimes I drift off to sleep with happy tears running down my face knowing that I got that precious time with my babies…

QUESTION FROM "THE GIRLFRIEND:  oh where do I begin?????? This could be fun! So my question is; Does Ironman have the same secret love for me as I have for him???

ANSWER: Yes Melanie, he does…In fact…many times during the night I hear him mumbling “Oh Sweet Melanie, please cook me some deer meat”

QUESTION FROM DAWN H: Not only do I not know your political leanings but, more importantly, I don't know if you like jello. (I don't, just in case you ever want to give me a dessert. Cheesecake yes, jello no.)

ANSWER:  Dawn, I vote republican – but let me explain my political savvy can me summed up in a nailhead…unless it of course involves tax legislation, and then I am forced to pay attention…a hazard of the job..Unfortunately I don’t watch the news or read the newspaper, luckily, my friends on Facebook keep me pretty well updated on current events…Chilean Miners – yep Facebook updates, the shooting in Arizona – check…The latest celebrity breakups…done…Now if I could find a friend who regularly posted TAX LEGISLATION updates, I would be set…anyone? Anyone??

And just because 3 years ago we brought the movie “Nalin Palin” as our Dirty Dirty Santa party gift, that meant no disrespect to the Republican party…or women for that matter…it was about bringing the BEST GIFT!!

Jello?? It’s OK… as long as it doesn’t have mystery fruit or marshmallows in it and I prefer orange jello with whipped topping – emphasis on the whipped topping…hospital style…but I do prefer Cheesecake, Doberge Cake, King Cake and Chocolate Chip Cookie Squares…all with whipped topping…see picture of king cake above...

So that about sums up the very first (and probably last) Q & A session...unless of course these answers disturbed you and have prompted new questions...Hope you have a great day!

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