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Monday, February 14, 2011

Chemo #4

Chemo #4 is nothing like Mambo #5 – remember that song? And I assure I can top the worst college freshman hell week story…Chemo SUCKS!!!! If you were hoping to read a funny light satirical take on chemo today…sorry...wrong place… find a sweet polite blog…this one is going to explore the dark forbidden secret world of reality chemo…

First, nausea…as in violent, can’t eat anything… no appetite… nausea…so I have lived on Emend, Zofran and Phenergan since last Monday …which is ok because the Phenergan puts me to sleep and I can snooze through some of the misery…but naturally I am taking 100mg of steroid everyday which means the inside temperature of my house is kept at 64 degrees with the window open and I’m still sweating…ahh steroid sweats…so I fall asleep with the Phenergan only to wake to drenched nightclothes…I mean soaked to the core and then I’m freezing from being wet, so I get in a hot tub of water to warm my bones, but I can’t stay in too long or I will get nauseous from the warm water…

What little I have been able to choke down this week tastes like cardboard with a side of metal…yep that metallic taste moved in this week…and every drink from iced tea to coke zero tastes like battery acid in my mouth and I really can’t drink too much water because it’s too “light” and doesn’t stay in the intended area of my stomach, instead it makes a return visit…

Migraines have moved back in…the dull ache sitting behind my eyes…and my mouth has erupted in sores once again…unfortunately the one on my lip has scared off Morgan and Avery and even if I wanted to smile, I couldn’t, for risk of cracked and bleeding lips…My skin is paper thin so I have to be careful even opening my medicine bottles

I feel like I have been ovulating for 7 days…and to the female instinct this can only mean that this was the last viable egg left unharmed by chemo…my body telling me, “this is your last chance”…I envision the rest of my eggs as a rock garden devoid of any possible human existence…none of this is based on science but only on maternal emotions...and I'm sure the male readers are running for the hills about now!!

Unrelated to chemo, I am suffering with an emphysema type cough, which when erupts, makes my entire body ache…as a cautious measure, I am taking 2 Augmentin pills each day. The bottle and pill read “875 – 125mg”, so I’m not sure if they are 875 mg or 125 mg, but I assure you that the next pill I’ll be taking is Diflucan…the women readers will be able to relate…

I really miss Shane and the girls…they have been treading very quietly this week…careful not to disturb Mommy…but I am really in withdrawal of my family…next week I will find out how many more chemo treatments I will need…I am focused on just two more sessions…the girls are too…they are determined that Mommy’s hair will start to grow back before school lets out for the summer…I can’t disappoint my girls…

Now…for the reveal…Avery took this picture of me on November 8, 2010 – just two weeks before being diagnosed with cancer…




And today…here is my face ravaged by chemo…the medicine I desperately need to keep me alive…



Thankfully some friends have stepped in to help make the girls feel extra special this Valentine's Day.  I'll post some of those pictures next time.  I missed by doctor's appt this morning because I was too nauseous to get out of bed.  So off to see Dr. Spell in the morning...

17 comments:

Peggy Houston, TX said...

I love you, Heather. Thanks for talking truth and being brave. This too shall pass.

Terri said...

There are no words to say. I cannot imagine what you are going through and am so inspired by your bravery.

Your pictures on this post only prove one thing that has always been true, and cancer can't touch - you have an amazing inner beauty. And that shines through all your pictures.

Love you, Teechur!

Debby Schuh said...

I second what Peggy and Terri say!! My heart goes out to you. Praying for good days ahead and strength for you and your family. You are loved!!

Jana said...

What can I do? I am so sorry that you are having it so rough. I am continuing to pray for you. Please let me know if I can help in anyway.

Ash Marie said...

You always leave me feeling inspired. Even when you are not all funny and sarcastic. Even when you just gotta be honest and hardcore real. Mostly when you are honest and hardcore real.

Kick that damn cancer's ass please!

You are always on my heart!
ASh

Barb said...

You look as beautiful as ever. Ditto to Peggy's thoughts....she speaks the truth, girlfriend!

Kristen said...

Oh sweetie, my heart aches to see all you're going through. Your strength and courage humble me. This is all going to be okay. I believe that with every ounce of my being. And for now, gentle hugs, calm, temperature-neutral thoughts, and all my love.

Ali said...

Praying for you and your family! I can't imagine what you are going through, but I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Someday soon this will all be just a horrible nightmare and you'll be cuddled up with your family.
And I agree with everyone else - nothing can diminish your inner beauty and vitality.

Freda said...

Through it all i see Heather! That strength and character and humor is still bright. Love you

Mel said...

Heather you are my inspiration! I pray for you daily. I agree with Terri your inner beauty shines through no matter what. I know you may not feel it but you are beautiful.
You will beat this. Fight like a mom and if I can do anything please let me know.

Teri said...

You are truly an inspiration to other cancer patients as well as everyone else. You send out this vibe of courageousness that is beyond belief. The pictures prove that you still have that outer beauty and inner spirit we have all grown to love about you. You and your family are in my prayers daily.

Jennifer said...

So much love to you and your family, Heather. You are so brave.

Danae Farias said...

God bless your strength & honesty! Your are in my prayers.

Sincerely,
Danae@Believing Unbeliever
http://www.danaefarias.com

Kimberley said...

It was so great to see you for a minute yesterday! I know Avery Bird was so happy for you to come to school and get her! Your strength is amazing. Praying for you and thinking of you often!

Kristy McShan said...

Praying for you and your family. I can't imagine what you are going through but I hope your treatments can end soon.

Anonymous said...

Your eyes still twinkle. My prayers continue.

Dale Abraham

Kathleen Loughran said...

You're still so effin beautiful!