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Friday, November 25, 2011

I'm still here...

one year ago today Dr. Spell's office called...luckily Shane answered...they had received the results of my liver and lymph node biopsy and wanted us to come in for the results...and the nurse told Shane not to let me come alone...

I was oblivious....still thinking we were ruling out things to get to the real problem...I can't even imagine how agonizing the two hours were for Shane between the phone call and our appointment...

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It's been a hell of a year...Most of the time it doesn't seem real, and there are times when I actually forget, but one glance in the mirror at my bald head always brought me back to reality...It wasn't until Shane Googled "Stages of Lymphoma" that we realized having lymphoma in your lymph nodes, liver and spleen meant Stage Four...and if I had believed what I read in those first few days, I would have given up and succumbed to the inevitable...but Dr. Spell ALWAYS said I would make it...he said it would suck (and he didn't lie), but he NEVER gave us any doubt...We stopped all Internet searches very early on - a VERY important lesson...

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I learned many valuable lesson this year...You can probably guess that slowing down to enjoy the small things (especially the small people) -  tops the list...I could lecture on this, but I can understand that unless something traumatic happens to someone, it's really a difficult lesson to embrace...

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Chemo sucked...but there was always something to laugh about - most often myself...and laughing ALWAYS helps...

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Laughing is wonderful, and if you aren't laughing, you can at least smile...and I've learned that when you are bald, there is one ESSENTIAL fashion accessory...

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I am much less judgemental now...I've realized that unless you are in someone else's shoes, you have no idea what they may be dealing with...now I cut people more slack and take a lot more deep breaths... 

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And now I smile when people ask, "Is everything back to normal?"...They don't get it, because life will NEVER be "back to normal"...I have a new normal and it is VERY different from one year ago...but when days are difficult (as many still are)... Instead of wallowing, I concentrate on one thing...

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and I wake up, put a smile on my face, and welcome a new day....over and over again....I hope you do too...

4 comments:

Kathleen Loughran said...

You are right that having not walked in your shoes I will struggle embracing the lesson. I have learned through you and other friends what a gift each day is. Thank you for your honesty about what this last year has been like. There are no words that can capture how happy for you and your family how far you have come in this battle. Love and hugs!

Peggy Houston, TX said...

Telling the truth, sister. Love that about you.

Ann said...

As is often the case, I read your blog with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. SO, so glad you're feeling stonger, and you've made all of us a little better by your life lessons!

Kate Robinson said...

Congrats on the remission and a new outlook on life :) Your attitude is contagious!!!