I know I haven't written in a while, and quite frankly there are a bunch of things swirling around in this messed up brain, so I'm going to have to focus on one thing at a time....maybe I'll start with mental health - THAT's always a crowd pleaser...
So I officially finished cancer treatment in June 2011, and from June to December I was in some euphoric state - I loved and appreciated every moment of life. I didn't have a care or worry in the world. I felt invincible for beating cancer. I posted all of these adorable signs on my blog from pinterest talking about my new outlook on life...and at the time I meant each and every word. I wasn't being fake or phony - that was how I truly felt - you will get nothing but honesty but from me...I just can't promise that my feelings won't change...
So December hits and so does pain, excruciating pain and my relationship with a Rheumatologist is born - her job is to take these auto-immune symptoms and diagnose an auto-immune disease - not exactly what I wanted for Christmas....January...5 days in the hospital for viral meningitis...February...my children see me carried unconscious out of my house on a stretcher after a seizure and now by law I am prohibited from driving until August...we've got a long hot summer ahead....
I have to give it to my husband....chemo was rough....but the depression that hit in January and February was nightmarish. I was giving Whitney Houston a run for her money...and I REALLY fought going back on anxiety and depression meds. I thought those were a thing of the past, I wanted that euphoric post-cancer state back. Luckily the Nurse Practitioner at the Psychiatrist's office who treated me for years before cancer didn't give up on me...That hysterical crying message on her voicemail probably helped too...
So now I am back on the meds...and things are settling down....The mid-day and pre-bedtime cry fests have ceased. I think Shane has relaxed knowing that I am home alone with 5 different prescription pain killers...and most importantly it has allowed me to step back and gain a little perspective into this whole messy cycle of doctors we are in again....but that is in the next post....I can only bore you for so long....
I am getting back to laughing....I hope you never stopped...
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2 comments:
So glad to hear from you and that things are settling down. Hopefully it's all uphill from here. Still praying for you. If you need an escape- to get a drink, go to new orleans, knock off the local 7-11, whatever, just let me know :)
Happy Easter, Heather!
Oh Heather, I am so glad that you are back to laughing. After the past year for you I think it is great that you can laugh. You are a strong woman and a fighter that your girls can look up to. And don't worry about taking medication to help you feel better. God would not have allowed them to be invented if there was not a reason for them. Big hug to you!
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