There is change in the air...

in my last post I eluded to changes on the horizon...see in March, we were worn out...three months of constant doctor visits with no answers, just more appointments and constant pain and tons of pain pills...I now call the Rheumatologist the "Pill Pusher"...and I have an Oncologist that says my low White Blood Count might never come up....we needed a new focus...

So after two years of reading these "hippy" books, we finally put them into action...vegetarianism, juicing, herbal supplements, reducing carbonation, caffeine and sugar....and after a month, I feel better, I put the pain pills away, after four weeks of my White Blood Count dropping in February, it finally jumped up in March...I call this "hippy" because that's what my Oncologist called me when I told him I was making these changes.  He also told me these changes were not making any difference in my White Blood Count.  Many people ask me why I stay with him...I think its a challenge...I may never change his view point, but I think now I'm on a mission to make both he and my Rheumatologist both realize that they can't treat all patients the same.  

Unfortunately, his patients are getting younger.  As I would sit in the waiting room or the chemo room, I would hear the elderly patients talking to each other and they were so resigned saying, "Well, we'll give this a try..." and the unspoken sentence was, "if not, I've lived my life, and it's my time".  But with four of my high school classmates fighting cancer alongside me, we are saying, "We have soccer practice after chemo", or "I have to make it to Honor Roll tonight for my daughter".  We aren't resigned to anything except beating this, and the effects that chemo will have on our bodies.  We are fighters, and we will do what it takes to get back the lives that we had before.  We need doctors who will think outside the box - let's talk about nutrition, herbal supplements, physical therapy, mental health.  Once the prescription pad doesn't work, let's put it away...

I enjoy learning new things to help my accounting clients.  Many times, I hear about new strategies, and although I may not be an expert on the topic, I can refer my client to someone who is.  This does not threaten me, I want what is best for my client...I'm hoping that one day, my Oncologist can see that some "out of the box" techniques could really benefit his patients.  He doesn't have to embrace them, but he could recommend them...especially for his patients who are rushing from tumbling to school to soccer practice on the non-chemo days...

Getting back to Laughing...

I know I haven't written in a while, and quite frankly there are a bunch of things swirling around in this messed up brain, so I'm going to have to focus on one thing at a time....maybe I'll start with mental health - THAT's always a crowd pleaser...

So I officially finished cancer treatment in June 2011, and from June to December I was in some euphoric state - I loved and appreciated every moment of life.  I didn't have a care or worry in the world.  I felt invincible for beating cancer.  I posted all of these adorable signs on my blog from pinterest talking about my new outlook on life...and at the time I meant each and every word.  I wasn't being fake or phony - that was how I truly felt - you will get nothing but honesty but from me...I just can't promise that my feelings won't change...

So December hits and so does pain, excruciating pain and my relationship with a Rheumatologist is born - her job is to take these auto-immune symptoms and diagnose an auto-immune disease - not exactly what I wanted for Christmas....January...5 days in the hospital for viral meningitis...February...my children see me carried unconscious out of my house on a stretcher after a seizure and now by law I am prohibited from driving until August...we've got a long hot summer ahead....

I have to give it to my husband....chemo was rough....but the depression that hit in January and February was nightmarish.  I was giving Whitney Houston a run for her money...and I REALLY fought going back on anxiety and depression meds.  I thought those were a thing of the past, I wanted that euphoric post-cancer state back. Luckily the Nurse Practitioner at the Psychiatrist's office who treated me for years before cancer didn't give up on me...That hysterical crying message on her voicemail probably helped too...

So now I am back on the meds...and things are settling down....The mid-day and pre-bedtime cry fests have ceased.  I think Shane has relaxed knowing that I am home alone with 5 different prescription pain killers...and most importantly it has allowed me to step back and gain a little perspective into this whole messy cycle of doctors we are in again....but that is in the next post....I can only bore you for so long....

I am getting back to laughing....I hope you never stopped...