My medi-port is coming out on Monday - I should be celebrating, but instead I broke down in tears at the appointment this morning...
It's so weird when I think about it...before the cancer diagnosis I felt perfectly fine...I had absolutely no warning signs, and recently I was reminded how many people told me that I was "too young for lymphoma"... before the results were in of course...
and now...after chemo left just enough alone to keep me alive...I am cured...but to what expense?
I'm tired, weak, and emotionally depleted...my girls have been put through the ringer (thankfully Shane and I have an appt with a child psychologist next week to determine when to say "toughen up" and when to give the extra TLC...it's a fine line, I'm sure...)
I know I need to be patient...and I'm trying...but couldn't it just hurry up already??? I'm going to snuggle in bed with my oldest trooper who needs just a little extra TLC tonight...
I promise to be more appreciative very soon....just be patient....
4 comments:
It's a-okay to get mad before you get glad. It shouldn't have happened to you. And it was a bitch. Go ahead...
everything you are feeling is normal and okay. don't beat yourself up. you are one of the strongest and bravest people I know! Love ya, Teechur!
I am agree with Peggy and Terri: Let go; cry; be mad; be glad; but you've made it! I, for one, am so happy and grateful to God that we are around for one more day! Love you HBell!
It's okay to have all of those feelings. You have been through hell and back. It's perfectly understandable to be nervous and drained and angry and confused ... and everything else you can come up with. Don't beat yourself up for that. It's all still too raw to be settled emotionally.
Just remember how many people love you and are thanking God and doing happy dances that you are the survivor we knew you were. ((Hugs))
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