It's bigger in Texas

Shane and I arrived at the mega Houston medical complex. It’s as overwhelming as I expected.  I literally saw an “Entrance 35”.  Are you kidding me???  Our appointment is at 9:30 tomorrow morning and I’m so anxious I might have to sample a few of those medicine bottles tonight.

Leaving the house today was way more emotional than I thought it would be.  It’s hard to believe I had time to shed a tear with the 14,000 notes I left for the girls and my mom.  Avery texted me when she got home “you labeled everything in the fridge??”  Well, yeah....

During the teary eyed packing (where I did stop to dust the interior of my car), my mom snuck in a care package complete with LWDs (that’s little white donuts for those of you that didn’t grow up in the Hirschfeld house).  So far I have resisted but the night is young.

According to Shane (and apparently most men in the South) my life was not complete without a visit to Buc-ee’s.  Well call my life complete because I have experienced the mega “gas station” Buc-ee’s along with the Beaver mascot.  From the meat counter, the jerky counter, the shelves of pickled EVERYTHING, the home decor area which included a COW section, the blinged out belts in the apparel section, the boudin kolache in the bakery section to the ONE healthy item - the vegetable cup (no one was buying those).... I have seen it all!

My mom has everything under control at the house so far.  She has 14,000 notes... what could possibly go wrong?  I’ll update again as soon as possible.  We expect the next few days to be a blur,  but we’ll find some reasons to laugh!

Halloween isn't just for candy

It's also for visits to MD Anderson.  After a few hiccups I am set up to see Dr. Yasuhiro Oki at MDA on October 31.  Can you believe my care manager said his first name is spelled exactly like it sounds?  Wait, what?? 

I'm actually relieved that we have a little time because I have a list a mile long to get done before this circus starts.  Like filing for our Homestead Exemption - that sounds like a blast.  I'm sure my car needed an oil change and tire rotation 5,000 miles ago.  And without a doubt someone is overdue for the dentist or the eye doctor.

I've shared the news with my RPCC students, my clients and the Facebook world and the support has been heartwarming.  So many people offering to do "anything".  Really??  Because no one has offered to the clean toilets yet, so answer with caution if I call.  I did have an offer to clean out the fridge and I'm seriously considering that one.

On another note, my mom has been "researching" medical marijuana.  I'm not sure if this is for my benefit or hers... but I'm pretty sure someone ends up laughing.

And as much as I'd like to get to MDA I was so happy to be able to see Avery and the Dutchtown Middle Volleyball team finish the season today as Co-Parish Champs.  Congrats to the team and a very pregnant coach!

The Resurrection

Yes, I went to Catholic school for 12 years, but not THAT Resurrection...

It seems like time to resurrect the blog.  And not because you like to read the about the mundane drivel that is my life, but because the cancer is back.  I always knew it would come back, but I thought I would be elderly and I'd just let Shane give me the same pink juice you give to dogs and I'd drift off the sleep.

At 42 I guess I can't opt for the pink juice yet, so I'm gearing up for the fight.  We have told the girls.  I think they've seen me sick so many times they are a little immune.  The word cancer doesn't even scare them anymore  - at least it appears this way, but as the mom I constantly worry that they ARE more affected than they appear and that's the part that makes me cry a little.  I only allow myself to break down for a few minutes every 5 hours or so, but I've got to get a handle on that because I'm getting pretty dehydrated and the concealer stopped working today.

So in 2011 the lymphoma was in my liver, spleen and lymph nodes. This time it's definitely in my lymph nodes, my spleen looks horrendous and here's the bonus - my bone marrow is lit up like a Christmas tree.  A visual is always super fun so here goes.  Note, the top pics are from 2013.  Those dark parts are my brain, heart, kidneys and bladder.  Those are supposed to be dark.  Did you notice how much darker the bottom pics are?  That's not good (as explained by an accountant).  I really thought I was going to get the call that this was all a mistake, but I can't deny those pictures, dammit.

I had the PET scan on Wednesday at 7 am and here's a PSA - it's NEVER good when your Oncologist calls your cell from his cell at 2pm in the afternoon.  It just isn't - you can trust me.  

The good news is that Dr. Spell says it's treatable.  The less good news is that it's treatable in Houston at MD Anderson.  Baton Rouge doesn't have the capability to do a bone marrow transplant and that's on the horizon.  MDA got my records on Thursday, so we are just waiting on a call to see when we head over.  MDA is the wild card for me.  It seems so big and overwhelming.... and far...

For now we just do normal life - 2 soccer games for Morgan, LSU volleyball and a volleyball clinic for Avery, get Morgan and friends to the movies and get Avery to a birthday party - sprinkled with a trip to Costco, 4 loads of laundry and I'm really hoping the Magnolia collection is out at Target.  So if you are wondering what we might need in the next few months it will definitely be an Uber!!

We are still laughing though.  I laughed at myself in Jazzercise this morning when I made up my own routine - I call it a solo.  We laughed a ton at lunch, but since both of my daughters can read and find my blog this time I can't recount those details.  We aren't going to stop laughing and that's all I know for sure.

Heather

Dance 10... Looks 3

Sunday I took the girls to the Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra for the Home for the Holidays performance.  Maestro Muffitt is a blast.  He entertains and educates the audience with a wonderful sense of humor (“I love all of the festive outfits today.  For everyone wearing those adorable reindeer ears, just remember it’s hunting season….”)

We were treated to an amazing original arrangement of The First Noel by David Lindenfeld.  Mr. Lindenfeld is a member of the Baton Rouge Symphony Chorus and he was singing on the stage during his rendition.  It was really cool….

The performance included Gospel pieces by Greater Baton Rouge Interfaith Ensemble, hand bell music by the Red Stick Ringers and singing from the Sherwood Middle Magnet school choir.  They really incorporated so many people from the community.

Still with me??  I’m getting to the point because clearly I'm not trying to take Keith Spera’s job…

When Quiana Lynell started singing Oh Holy Night it hit me...  If I hadn’t made it through the last few years, M&A would not only never brush their teeth and hair, but they would also be tomboys (there was probably a double negative in there and my sister jen will call me)...

If Shane was raising the girls alone they would be expert BB gun marksmen, proficient bow hunters, excellent fisherman, and well trained athletes.  And although all of those things are fantastic (and by fantastic I mean horrifying....), I realized today that come hell or high water my girls will be exposed to the arts.

I can’t be the only mom who feels like her sole job is to remind them of personal hygiene and homework.  And even though Avery tapped her imaginary watch during the performance (only once) and she rated it a 4.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 after the show – I will not be deterred.  Morgan gave it a 10, so there is hope (I'm blocking out that she's more of the people pleaser and she remembers Christmas is around the corner)…

You know what else we did?  Laugh!  We laughed because "Mommy" took a selfie, we laughed at Maestro's floppy hair and we laughed at the little boy who clapped long after everyone else.  It may have been a 4.5 for Avery, but it was a 10 for me....

Keep on laughing....

5 years ago today....

We found out that I had Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Stage 4 is only bad if you realize that Stage 5 is death...We didn't exactly dwell on Stage 5.

There was no time for worrying or crying that day because we had a birthday girl - a fabulous 6th birthday party - complete with Build-A-Bear, Sushi, a fashion show, custom flip-flops AND a sleepover...  Murphy's Law, right?

But that was probably the perfect day to get the news, because it set the pace for the next few years... It reminded us to roll with the punches- because quite frankly there were WAY too many punches - chemo, baldness, 2 blood transfusions, meningitis, a seizure that caused temporary blindness and months of reduced brain activity, erythema nodosum (go ahead and google that) and physical therapy... How the hell did we survive??

We survived with the help of good friends and family, gallons of tears and plenty of laughter.  Oh - trust me -  I screamed and cried when I was home alone, but we found plenty of reasons to laugh together.  Ashley and I laughed when we bought my wig.  I laughed when the girls paraded around in my wigs and hats.  Shane and I laughed when I laid on the cold tile floor to relieve the pain.  I laughed when Shane had to suit up like a Ghostbuster to enter my isolation room in the hospital.

I survive today because I packed up the bad memories and put them in a box on the shelf.  If I think about that time, I only focus on the good memories.  Why dwell on the bad?  People joke that women forget how bad pregnancy and childbirth is - otherwise everyone would be an only child.  It's the same kind of thing...

That time taught me many important life lessons.  They aren't always easy to follow, but I remind myself that the lessons were the gift of the disease.  That allows me to laugh about it - and keep laughing...

Heather

Rose Colored Glasses...

I made a new friend yesterday who reminded me about this poor neglected blog... I actually re-read all of my cancer posts... I shed a few tears, I laughed a lot, and I was reminded of just how far we have come... We are in the thick of tax season, and like Christmas cards in the mailbox, every day is exciting.  I know you're thinking I'm a lunatic, but I mean the human interaction part, not the numbers in boxes part... I have the most wonderful clients - some who have been with me for over 10 years...  They have seen my children born (not literally, thank God), they got the cancer news, they hung in through meningitis and a seizure, they have seen the practice go through three names, and yet they still greet me with hugs each year.

This year has been a difficult one professionally.  I've been hit with surprises at each and every turn, and I think people who didn't know me well thought I might give up... Who are they kidding?  I beat cancer, you think I'm going to let this business fail? I go to work everyday because I love what I do and I love the people I help...

I was on Pinterest tonight and I found something that really hit home...

You see... this year I have been accused on way too many occasions of viewing the world through rose colored glasses.  I have been told that my eternal optimism is a disservice to me.  I need to learn to view situations differently, not be so trusting, and learn to be more strategic....

Are you kidding me?  That approach didn't get me through life this far, and I sure as hell am not going to change now!  Those clients who keep coming back year after year.... they come because of my eternal optimism and my ability to laugh at myself... They come because I do expect the best out of everyone, and I give the best of myself to them...

I'll never be the right fit for everyone, but I'm not going to change who I am to fit into a tougher more cut throat business world.  The only person I'm competing with is myself, so if I can be a little better than I was yesterday and if everyday includes a laugh, then I'm on the right track... I'm not playing in the big leagues, I don't need a strategy, I'm not playing a game, I believe in truth and honesty.... I have a league of my own...and this was the perfect reminder for me...

I'll never be a great competitor in the business world, but I've competed in much tougher fights and won...and in that, I can be proud...we have to choose our battles wisely, and as Avery fell asleep tonight holding my hand, I was reassured that my energy is spent in the right place...

may your dreams include laughs...

the Lake House that almost was...

for years Ironman and I have been waiting for a house on two VERY specific streets to go on the market...over the holidays we found out that one might be going on the market in March, so of course we stalked  contacted the owner...  If you follow me on Pinterest you may have noticed that the "Lake House" board appeared this week, because I just KNEW this would be THE house...

so we traveled there today... and we found the most magnificent views and a backyard filled with amazing trees....

as we moved inside, I was mentally moving walls, re-painting the blue kitchen cabinets, admiring the cute chandelier... and really trying to block out THAT awful smell...

And then suddenly things went  downhill... faster than you can imagine....we discovered the "fallout shelter"...built to "1955 nuclear code"... even Avery was terrified...

and then the owner disclosed that these lovely floor tiles have asbestos...

oh, and did I mention that the paint tested positive for lead, and that smell?  oh, the house pilings were coated with creosote... in 1940... and the tar smell has been in the house since... Creosote is not particularly nice and I only had to read on a few sights that it is linked to cancer to know that we are in NO WAY, NO HOW buying this house with the beautiful view...

So on our sad drive home, we talked about demolishing the house, and the cost of removing the creosote soaked pilings, but who knows the remediation costs associated with creosote removal, and what damage it has done to the soil...

so I'll put my Lake House Pinterest Board on hold and wait until one of the other 10 houses goes on the market...Great things come to those who wait, right?