AMA

So I learned a new term this week....Against Medical Advice (AMA)... has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

I've been at MD Anderson for 19 days.  My stem cells were harvested and frozen and await insertion.

Here's a little summary of what led me to leave MD Anderson AMA on Friday.

First, I made the mistake of reading that Sally Ann Roberts collected enough stem cells for her sister Robin Roberts in two sessions - so naturally I thought they would harvest the required 5 million cells in 2 sessions.  I was so very wrong.  I also harvested during the snow days and the MLK holiday in Houston which added to the cluster.

I'm a CPA, so naturally I was keeping track of my stem cell collection.

First day - 1.23 million
Second day - 1.33 million
Third day - 860K cells (MLK Day)
Fourth day - 550K cells
Fifth day - 330K cells
Sixth day - 680K cells  (at this point I had collected 4.98 million cells)
Seventh day - no idea, because I went left AMA (Friday)

After the third or fourth day of collection I should have started receiving a "boost" shot at night to increase collection the next morning, but because of the weather most of the clinics were closed early and the doctors didn't pull the trigger on the boost shot.  I finally started receiving the boost shot before the sixth and seventh collection.  When I got the call that I hadn't collected enough cells on the sixth day I was very confused.  My total showed 4.98 million which was pretty darn close to the 5 million goal.  And I questioned the nurse, you might say I grilled the nurse, but I was told my numbers were wrong and I needed to collect on the 7th day.

When I showed up to collect on the 7th day I went to battle over these numbers.  And what I finally learned was that each patient's collection is tallied on a simple piece of white paper in a binder (don't get me started on this method).  As I reviewed this very scientific collection poor excuse for a tally I noticed that my collection on MLK day was missing (860K cells), so I really didn't need to collect on the 7th day.  I was relieved until the nurse says, "Well, you got the $12K boost shot last night so we might as well collect".  Twelve thousand dollars wasted!  And no, I don't know what part of that $12K I will eventually have to pay.

I dug the Xanax out of my bag and calmed down during the 4 hour collection and started to casually ask WHY it was necessary to return the next day.  "Blood work", they said.  "It's part of our process", they said.

That was the point that I decided "my process" was to pack the car on Friday and head home.  Forget that Saturday morning blood work.   Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission... how's that for my "process"?

So I got to see Morgan play in her final JV Soccer game.  I sampled 5 different king cakes, ate a shrimp po-boy and I pretended that life was normal for a few days.

After a few days of testing I'll head into the hospital for a month for 8 days of chemo and the stem cell insertion.  I printed 16x20 and 8x10 pictures to plaster all over the walls of the hospital room.  I'm as mentally ready as I can be.  Once the hospital stay is over I have two final weeks in Houston and then I should be home on the road to recuperation.  I'm making lists of all of the amazing things we are going to do once I'm healthy again and the lists include plenty of laughs.  Hope you can join us in some of those laughs...

Insurance, or as I like to call it.... HELL

So I'm headed to Houston today with three sets of bags packed - an overnight stay, a four day chemo stay, and a two month stem cell transplant stay.  Frustrating, right?  You have no idea the level of frustration I have right now....

So here are the possible situations:

1. Have 3 tests tomorrow that are required for the stem cell insurance approval and come home while we wait for said approval (side note: I did have a small breakdown during our last visit when I had to sign the financial paperwork agreeing to the $680K down payment if insurance doesn't come through)

2. Have those tests but also stay for the 4 day in patient chemo (looking most likely as of 2:15pm)

3. Do the above two and if insurance approval comes by Friday then I stay after chemo and start the harvesting process on Tuesday

Remember I'm not like a crazy control freak, but one day versus two months makes a big difference in packing - not to mention my sanity.  So for all the people who have reached out today, please know I'm hanging on by a thread (and apparently I haven't taken enough Xanax to feel Zen).

And there is a second insurance issue - AFLAC has denied my short term disability claim.  AFLAC prides themselves in making a decision in 4 days (as stated on numerous letters), yet after almost two months of paperwork I have been denied.  I know it's still a paperwork issue, but it isn't helping my Zen state.

Since everyone is on the edge of their seats with anticipation I'll be sure to spread the news as soon as I find out how long I'll be at MDA this time.  Thank you for all of the texts, messages and prayers.

And while I'm not laughing at this very moment, I will experience my sister Jen's first Bucc-ee's experience on this trip which I expect will create tons of laughs!

The weekly wrap-up

So remember the past two years when I sat in my glass house and worked with a functional medicine doctor (even being featured in one of her print ads) and gave up carbs and caffeine and limited my alcohol all in the name of good gut health and preventing cancer recurrence???  Guess what I have to say to that little bitch health conscious self who said  "oh, I'll never binge on carbs if I ever have chemo/cancer again"???  I say that the egg salad that I made this morning (without relish which I normally like) along with saltines was fine at 10:30am.  But at 2 it was nightmare so I switched to M&M's (regular and caramel) with a side of cheese and very salty crackers.  In fact, the saltier the better.  Because everything tastes like cardboard and at least I can taste the salt.

I've been home from chemo #2 for 2 days and I feel the best when I'm in a recliner being very still and watching BRAVO.  I classed it up a little today with Season 2 of The Crown on Netflix.  This feeling of uselessness sucks, but in all honestly I did put away two dishes yesterday and I did a load of laundry today, so I'd say I'm #winning.

Chemo #2 was terrible - not to sugar coat it.  It was the nausea, and then the panic over the nausea and then obsessing over if I should I get up and try to throw up over the nausea...  You can see how this can spiral out of hand very quickly.  I think next time I will be a little better prepared.  Forget the laptop, I'm bringing an ice chest to provide a constant stream of carbs and protein - because I'm telling you, wait one minute too long to eat and the whole world is ending.  And I am going to need Xanax on regular intervals because it was clear from the blood pressure readings that once the nausea got too bad, I just panicked wondering how long I could survive which made my blood pressure spike and the walls cave in.  I'm sure people without some kind of anxiety disorder in their background have literally NO IDEA what I am talking about - so I'm talking to those of you that do...

I was extremely lucky to make it home for my birthday.  In the South "sneaux" is what we call it - you know with the cute "eaux" on the end because WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE IT!  But it actually snowed on my birthday in Baton Rouge.  I was expecting it all to have melted by the time I got home at 7pm, but nope!  It held on and it was beautiful!

Chemo #1 and #2 have allowed me to compile a list of attributes in a caregiver:

#1 SILENCE - because I choose to sleep as much as possible, we can chat later over lunch... in a restaurant... when I have hair.....
#2 No eating in the room - Even when the food was delivered to the room next door I could smell it via the air vents and I almost lost my shit mind.
#3 No sudden movements - Just because I'm going into the bathroom to dry heave doesn't mean I need you holding my proverbial hair back.  I will be sure to call you when and if I need you.  By the way - NO ONE needs help vomiting!  It's just gross and a solo event.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of the snow - because snow in South LA makes everything better (for a day.... longer than that and we are just cranky and cold).

And yes, Morgan is the nutball in shorts!  Add hypothermia to our list of health concerns... Whatever you do, keep laughing!

What I call "Dread Day"

So we are heading out for Chemo #2 today.  This week I became keenly aware of how it feels when I need a blood transfusion and spent a day and a half at the hospital getting three bags of blood and two bags of platelets.  I applaud every blood donor, and I know that we all can't give  (hell, they won't take my blood), but when my head has been pounding with a migraine for 3 days and all I can hear is my own pulse in my ears I am completely grateful for blood donors.

We celebrated Avery's 13th birthday this week with no less than 3 events and sadly, one of my presents to her was a shaved head - mother of the year award right?  At least I sent both girls a text before they got home from school with a warning - that counts right?

I could only take two days of  tumbleweeds of hair in the house before I called it quits.  It was a cute "#2 with clippers” on Thursday and Friday for Avery's birthday and Shane's work party, but as of today we are down to "patchiness bordering on baldness" - and yet you know what hanging on?  The GREY!  My nephew and brother-in-law got a matching "#2" this week.

We will see the doctor tomorrow and be admitted to the hospital when a bed is ready.  Last time I was discharged at 10:30pm and I guarantee as soon as the room was cleaned they moved someone new in.  Remember MDA never sleeps...  Shane will head home on Wednesday and a friend will take his place to get me home on Friday or Saturday.

We are super excited for Dutchtown High School's first soccer game at home.  Soccer uses another field until football is over, but Thursday they play at the DHS stadium.  I can't wait for the tons of updates Shane sends me throughout the game.

I'm armed with plenty of pralines from a sweet friend for the doctors and nurses this week.  I find the happier they are, the more "good drugs" I get!  Hope your week is filled with laughter!

Black Friday Update from the Couch

I’ve been home from MD Anderson for a few days and I’m pleased to report that the chemo effects are manageable. There are 14 medicine bottles on my kitchen counter, and they are managing... And I know it gets worse so there is no use complaining now....

That might be part of the problem – I’ve been through this once and I kind of remember how it goes... it might be better if I was innocent and naive. 4 day in-patient chemo is no joke - it’s like 4 times the chemo I had 7 years ago - all at once.


I have a picc line hanging out of my arm which is not only repugnant but makes showering difficult. So I’ve succumbed to daily baths at home and hair washing at the local Fantastic Sams. Shane did wash my hair in the laundry room once, but bless his heart it broke my back. So I’m gonna treat myself to the fanciest blowout $20 can buy! Right until all of my hair falls out.... tick tock tick tock.

My white blood count is low - dangerously low one might say, so that means if you touch me I’d appreciate you bathing in hand sanitizer first. So relieved Avery tested negative for strep and the flu this week. I was about to get shipped to Saigon. And my adorable husband (the one who moonlights as a hair washer) sprained his ankle. We are testing the limits of our health insurance this week!

Morgan had a huge cheering section for her soccer game this week. The Dutchtown High School JV team is on fire! And we had a relaxed Thanksgiving day at my mom’s house who managed all the cooking and hosting after moving into her house on Monday. A woman who loves a challenge....

It’s ironic that 8 years ago today we got the call that I had Lymphoma (on Black Friday). I guess history does repeat itself, but please, let this be the last chapter of this story!

And we have a plan!

MDA called yesterday.  They weren't able to test the material from the lymph node biopsy, but the cancer is in my bone marrow so they were able to test that.  Cancer being present in the bone marrow wasn't exactly ideal and it lessens my chance of being able to use my own stem cells, but still I have a chance.  It's 50/50 whether I'll need a donor or can use my own.  They won't know until the three rounds of chemo are done.  They have to see if the chemo kills the cancer in the bone marrow - never a good idea to harvest sick stem cells and stick them back in.... The best news is the same cancer I had in 2011 is back.  That's great because it's curable - apparently it can return but it's "curable" each time.  Now let's get this straight, I prefer that this doesn't become a "thing".  I don't want to personally test HOW MANY times a person can survive Diffuse large B-cell lymphoma.  Is someone listening?????

For people who have done this before (and I hope you haven't), in 2011 I had R-CHOP chemo.  This time I'll have R-ICE chemo.  R-CHOP was an outpatient situation (go to the doctor's office and sit in a chair for 8 hours and then go home).  Since EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS, R-ICE requires me to be inpatient.  So here's house it goes:

Monday - drive to Houston and TRY and sleep through the nerves

Tuesday - see the doctor in the morning, get admitted to hospital and start the chemo drip

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday - watch chemo drip painfully slow through the IV.  Play pin the tail on the donkey, Sudoku and lots of UNO.  Catch up on trashy BRAVO TV (lord I hope MDA has BRAVO) and try to read an inspirational book (this is for looks).  This first time I plan to address my Christmas cards, but cancer makes my handwriting really wonky (as evidenced by 2010 time when my sister Jen grabbed then from my hands and refused to let me write them).   But I have three days, I'm going to go slowly - but feel free to laugh at the old lady wobbly handwriting when the card arrives...  You're welcome.

Saturday - discharge and maybe drive home?  But if I feel terrible we can stay in the apartment and drive home on Sunday.  PS - This time Shane will be with me Monday - Wednesday and my sister Ashley will take over from Wed to Saturday.

Now if you are reading this and laughing at me bc you REALLY know how this whole thing is going down - PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  I've asked a ton of questions but they could be giving me the rainbow and unicorn version.

I will be at MDA for chemo from Nov 13 - 18, Dec 4 - 9 (birthday party at the MDA - whoop whoop) and Dec 26 - 30.  Here's the GREAT news - I will be home for Thanksgiving, Avery's bday, Shane's bday, all the Christmas family parties and Christmas morning.  If I had to pick a perfect schedule this would be it!

Now once these chemos are over I move from the Lymphoma doctor to the Stem Cell doctor and that process starts. That one isn't nearly as accommodating bc it includes 6-7 weeks where I'll be in Houston.  Clearly cancer doesn't care that I will completely miss Mardi Gras 2018.

I can't wait to start gathering the true story of  MDA in-patient stay.  It's going to be a list of "what not to do" bc I'm sure to break all the rules.

A few people have asked about a meal train.  I don't cook, so when people I know need food they get a Costco rotisserie chicken and the Costco Mac-n-cheese.  But for those of you that enjoy cooking (insert eye roll) feel free to sign up on this site.  Ashley will open up more dates now that we have an idea of what's going on.  My family prefers filet mignon and shrimp kabobs ;)
https://mealtrain.com/wo5y0e

Jim Gaffigan was hilarious and I'll be sure to download and watch every one of his specials next week.  I hope that there is a lot of laughter coming out of my room!

Choose your seat wisely...

Or you could be sitting next to the 24 Hour Urine Collection bottles like Shane.  Who really does have the patience of a Saint because I make him do some pretty shady stuff...

So a recap of the week:

Shane and I arrive in Houston and the Astros win the World Series.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Whoever marketed these candles is a genius and I don't think it was the Catholic Church.

MDA is like a medical city that never sleeps.  What takes 2 weeks anywhere else gets done in 2 days.

I ate the whole bag of LWDs.  If confused, please see my previous blog post.

The discomfort in my hip from the bone marrow biopsy is only surpassed by the discomfort in my neck from the lymph node biopsy.

MDA does not perform neck lifts with neck biopsies.  I'm working on this...

The bone marrow biopsy will tell us if I can use my own stem cells for the transplant or if I need a donor.  That whole repaying someone who saves your life with their stem cells thing is overwhelming, so let's pray I can use my own.

There is a chance the lymph node biopsy wasn't successful and I have to go back for a spleen biopsy.  Seeing that your spleen is filled with blood it seems a little nuts to try and "nick it".  But we'll see...

A team of moms helped save Halloween.  To them I'll be forever grateful.

We met an amazing family who handed us the key to their garage apartment and said "stay as long as you need".  This invitation comes with a keg of Bombshell Blonde in the backyard.  We have found our soulmates.

My sister and my mom are heroes of the week.  Pray that my mom recovers from the 5am alarm clock before we leave again and Ashley was at our beck and call all week.  I hope she never has to overnight us a pet scan disk again!

Currently the treatment plan looks like 3 rounds of 3 day inpatient chemos spaced 21 days apart.  The transplant process will take place after chemo and spans 7 weeks (all of which I need to be in Houston) and includes a ton of crap that sounds horrible.  So I forgot most of it.  This will be confirmed after the pathology reports are back from the biopsies.

But we made it home for the comedian Jim Gaffigan.  So the laughs will keep rolling... 

It's bigger in Texas

Shane and I arrived at the mega Houston medical complex. It’s as overwhelming as I expected.  I literally saw an “Entrance 35”.  Are you kidding me???  Our appointment is at 9:30 tomorrow morning and I’m so anxious I might have to sample a few of those medicine bottles tonight.

Leaving the house today was way more emotional than I thought it would be.  It’s hard to believe I had time to shed a tear with the 14,000 notes I left for the girls and my mom.  Avery texted me when she got home “you labeled everything in the fridge??”  Well, yeah....

During the teary eyed packing (where I did stop to dust the interior of my car), my mom snuck in a care package complete with LWDs (that’s little white donuts for those of you that didn’t grow up in the Hirschfeld house).  So far I have resisted but the night is young.

According to Shane (and apparently most men in the South) my life was not complete without a visit to Buc-ee’s.  Well call my life complete because I have experienced the mega “gas station” Buc-ee’s along with the Beaver mascot.  From the meat counter, the jerky counter, the shelves of pickled EVERYTHING, the home decor area which included a COW section, the blinged out belts in the apparel section, the boudin kolache in the bakery section to the ONE healthy item - the vegetable cup (no one was buying those).... I have seen it all!

My mom has everything under control at the house so far.  She has 14,000 notes... what could possibly go wrong?  I’ll update again as soon as possible.  We expect the next few days to be a blur,  but we’ll find some reasons to laugh!

Halloween isn't just for candy

It's also for visits to MD Anderson.  After a few hiccups I am set up to see Dr. Yasuhiro Oki at MDA on October 31.  Can you believe my care manager said his first name is spelled exactly like it sounds?  Wait, what?? 

I'm actually relieved that we have a little time because I have a list a mile long to get done before this circus starts.  Like filing for our Homestead Exemption - that sounds like a blast.  I'm sure my car needed an oil change and tire rotation 5,000 miles ago.  And without a doubt someone is overdue for the dentist or the eye doctor.

I've shared the news with my RPCC students, my clients and the Facebook world and the support has been heartwarming.  So many people offering to do "anything".  Really??  Because no one has offered to the clean toilets yet, so answer with caution if I call.  I did have an offer to clean out the fridge and I'm seriously considering that one.

On another note, my mom has been "researching" medical marijuana.  I'm not sure if this is for my benefit or hers... but I'm pretty sure someone ends up laughing.

And as much as I'd like to get to MDA I was so happy to be able to see Avery and the Dutchtown Middle Volleyball team finish the season today as Co-Parish Champs.  Congrats to the team and a very pregnant coach!

The Resurrection

Yes, I went to Catholic school for 12 years, but not THAT Resurrection...

It seems like time to resurrect the blog.  And not because you like to read the about the mundane drivel that is my life, but because the cancer is back.  I always knew it would come back, but I thought I would be elderly and I'd just let Shane give me the same pink juice you give to dogs and I'd drift off the sleep.

At 42 I guess I can't opt for the pink juice yet, so I'm gearing up for the fight.  We have told the girls.  I think they've seen me sick so many times they are a little immune.  The word cancer doesn't even scare them anymore  - at least it appears this way, but as the mom I constantly worry that they ARE more affected than they appear and that's the part that makes me cry a little.  I only allow myself to break down for a few minutes every 5 hours or so, but I've got to get a handle on that because I'm getting pretty dehydrated and the concealer stopped working today.

So in 2011 the lymphoma was in my liver, spleen and lymph nodes. This time it's definitely in my lymph nodes, my spleen looks horrendous and here's the bonus - my bone marrow is lit up like a Christmas tree.  A visual is always super fun so here goes.  Note, the top pics are from 2013.  Those dark parts are my brain, heart, kidneys and bladder.  Those are supposed to be dark.  Did you notice how much darker the bottom pics are?  That's not good (as explained by an accountant).  I really thought I was going to get the call that this was all a mistake, but I can't deny those pictures, dammit.

I had the PET scan on Wednesday at 7 am and here's a PSA - it's NEVER good when your Oncologist calls your cell from his cell at 2pm in the afternoon.  It just isn't - you can trust me.  

The good news is that Dr. Spell says it's treatable.  The less good news is that it's treatable in Houston at MD Anderson.  Baton Rouge doesn't have the capability to do a bone marrow transplant and that's on the horizon.  MDA got my records on Thursday, so we are just waiting on a call to see when we head over.  MDA is the wild card for me.  It seems so big and overwhelming.... and far...

For now we just do normal life - 2 soccer games for Morgan, LSU volleyball and a volleyball clinic for Avery, get Morgan and friends to the movies and get Avery to a birthday party - sprinkled with a trip to Costco, 4 loads of laundry and I'm really hoping the Magnolia collection is out at Target.  So if you are wondering what we might need in the next few months it will definitely be an Uber!!

We are still laughing though.  I laughed at myself in Jazzercise this morning when I made up my own routine - I call it a solo.  We laughed a ton at lunch, but since both of my daughters can read and find my blog this time I can't recount those details.  We aren't going to stop laughing and that's all I know for sure.

Heather

Dance 10... Looks 3

Sunday I took the girls to the Baton Rouge Symphony Orchestra for the Home for the Holidays performance.  Maestro Muffitt is a blast.  He entertains and educates the audience with a wonderful sense of humor (“I love all of the festive outfits today.  For everyone wearing those adorable reindeer ears, just remember it’s hunting season….”)

We were treated to an amazing original arrangement of The First Noel by David Lindenfeld.  Mr. Lindenfeld is a member of the Baton Rouge Symphony Chorus and he was singing on the stage during his rendition.  It was really cool….

The performance included Gospel pieces by Greater Baton Rouge Interfaith Ensemble, hand bell music by the Red Stick Ringers and singing from the Sherwood Middle Magnet school choir.  They really incorporated so many people from the community.

Still with me??  I’m getting to the point because clearly I'm not trying to take Keith Spera’s job…

When Quiana Lynell started singing Oh Holy Night it hit me...  If I hadn’t made it through the last few years, M&A would not only never brush their teeth and hair, but they would also be tomboys (there was probably a double negative in there and my sister jen will call me)...

If Shane was raising the girls alone they would be expert BB gun marksmen, proficient bow hunters, excellent fisherman, and well trained athletes.  And although all of those things are fantastic (and by fantastic I mean horrifying....), I realized today that come hell or high water my girls will be exposed to the arts.

I can’t be the only mom who feels like her sole job is to remind them of personal hygiene and homework.  And even though Avery tapped her imaginary watch during the performance (only once) and she rated it a 4.5 on a scale of 1 to 10 after the show – I will not be deterred.  Morgan gave it a 10, so there is hope (I'm blocking out that she's more of the people pleaser and she remembers Christmas is around the corner)…

You know what else we did?  Laugh!  We laughed because "Mommy" took a selfie, we laughed at Maestro's floppy hair and we laughed at the little boy who clapped long after everyone else.  It may have been a 4.5 for Avery, but it was a 10 for me....

Keep on laughing....

5 years ago today....

We found out that I had Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Stage 4 is only bad if you realize that Stage 5 is death...We didn't exactly dwell on Stage 5.

There was no time for worrying or crying that day because we had a birthday girl - a fabulous 6th birthday party - complete with Build-A-Bear, Sushi, a fashion show, custom flip-flops AND a sleepover...  Murphy's Law, right?

But that was probably the perfect day to get the news, because it set the pace for the next few years... It reminded us to roll with the punches- because quite frankly there were WAY too many punches - chemo, baldness, 2 blood transfusions, meningitis, a seizure that caused temporary blindness and months of reduced brain activity, erythema nodosum (go ahead and google that) and physical therapy... How the hell did we survive??

We survived with the help of good friends and family, gallons of tears and plenty of laughter.  Oh - trust me -  I screamed and cried when I was home alone, but we found plenty of reasons to laugh together.  Ashley and I laughed when we bought my wig.  I laughed when the girls paraded around in my wigs and hats.  Shane and I laughed when I laid on the cold tile floor to relieve the pain.  I laughed when Shane had to suit up like a Ghostbuster to enter my isolation room in the hospital.

I survive today because I packed up the bad memories and put them in a box on the shelf.  If I think about that time, I only focus on the good memories.  Why dwell on the bad?  People joke that women forget how bad pregnancy and childbirth is - otherwise everyone would be an only child.  It's the same kind of thing...

That time taught me many important life lessons.  They aren't always easy to follow, but I remind myself that the lessons were the gift of the disease.  That allows me to laugh about it - and keep laughing...

Heather

Rose Colored Glasses...

I made a new friend yesterday who reminded me about this poor neglected blog... I actually re-read all of my cancer posts... I shed a few tears, I laughed a lot, and I was reminded of just how far we have come... We are in the thick of tax season, and like Christmas cards in the mailbox, every day is exciting.  I know you're thinking I'm a lunatic, but I mean the human interaction part, not the numbers in boxes part... I have the most wonderful clients - some who have been with me for over 10 years...  They have seen my children born (not literally, thank God), they got the cancer news, they hung in through meningitis and a seizure, they have seen the practice go through three names, and yet they still greet me with hugs each year.

This year has been a difficult one professionally.  I've been hit with surprises at each and every turn, and I think people who didn't know me well thought I might give up... Who are they kidding?  I beat cancer, you think I'm going to let this business fail? I go to work everyday because I love what I do and I love the people I help...

I was on Pinterest tonight and I found something that really hit home...

You see... this year I have been accused on way too many occasions of viewing the world through rose colored glasses.  I have been told that my eternal optimism is a disservice to me.  I need to learn to view situations differently, not be so trusting, and learn to be more strategic....

Are you kidding me?  That approach didn't get me through life this far, and I sure as hell am not going to change now!  Those clients who keep coming back year after year.... they come because of my eternal optimism and my ability to laugh at myself... They come because I do expect the best out of everyone, and I give the best of myself to them...

I'll never be the right fit for everyone, but I'm not going to change who I am to fit into a tougher more cut throat business world.  The only person I'm competing with is myself, so if I can be a little better than I was yesterday and if everyday includes a laugh, then I'm on the right track... I'm not playing in the big leagues, I don't need a strategy, I'm not playing a game, I believe in truth and honesty.... I have a league of my own...and this was the perfect reminder for me...

I'll never be a great competitor in the business world, but I've competed in much tougher fights and won...and in that, I can be proud...we have to choose our battles wisely, and as Avery fell asleep tonight holding my hand, I was reassured that my energy is spent in the right place...

may your dreams include laughs...

the Lake House that almost was...

for years Ironman and I have been waiting for a house on two VERY specific streets to go on the market...over the holidays we found out that one might be going on the market in March, so of course we stalked  contacted the owner...  If you follow me on Pinterest you may have noticed that the "Lake House" board appeared this week, because I just KNEW this would be THE house...

so we traveled there today... and we found the most magnificent views and a backyard filled with amazing trees....

as we moved inside, I was mentally moving walls, re-painting the blue kitchen cabinets, admiring the cute chandelier... and really trying to block out THAT awful smell...

And then suddenly things went  downhill... faster than you can imagine....we discovered the "fallout shelter"...built to "1955 nuclear code"... even Avery was terrified...

and then the owner disclosed that these lovely floor tiles have asbestos...

oh, and did I mention that the paint tested positive for lead, and that smell?  oh, the house pilings were coated with creosote... in 1940... and the tar smell has been in the house since... Creosote is not particularly nice and I only had to read on a few sights that it is linked to cancer to know that we are in NO WAY, NO HOW buying this house with the beautiful view...

So on our sad drive home, we talked about demolishing the house, and the cost of removing the creosote soaked pilings, but who knows the remediation costs associated with creosote removal, and what damage it has done to the soil...

so I'll put my Lake House Pinterest Board on hold and wait until one of the other 10 houses goes on the market...Great things come to those who wait, right?

I'm choosing Happiness - Join me?

I recently received an email where the sender berated me for choosing to pursue my career in lieu of being home at 3:45 to meet my children at the bus.  To quote, the sender said "since when did getting a babysitter to get your girls off the bus become such a grand plan?...is deserting your family the best option?"

I actually took this criticism with a grain of salt, because I prescribe to the Maya Angelou school of thought...

But this experience made me step back and reflect on all of the wonderful people in my life who don't question my decisions and who love me unconditionally.  For you I am grateful...  thank you for laughing with me through the good times and the bad...

So I'm taking the email I received as a reminder to...

because

Sometimes even ugliness can be constructive...that's how I'm choosing to deal with this nastiness...and I also spend it laughing.... I hope you do too!

Playing in the Rayne...

Janet's team at Treasured Memories hosts the most wonderful scrapbooking event every summer in Rayne... the frog capital of the world... she thinks of every detail... the food, the prizes, the schedule, the tips before the event, the masseuse, and she has a backup plan for every mishap... an event done right!

Can you imagine over one hundred women scrapbooking together for four days... just laughing, soaking up the creative process and enjoying good company... it's a little bit of heaven...  My heaven even included some actual scrapbooking this year...

As I rummaged around my scrapbook room before Rayne, I found these pages from 2006 that just needed some finishing touches... look at my precious, SwEEt babies...I might need to keep these pages displayed in my room as a reminder that I did not in fact birth heathens...

fast forward to the present... and the heathens  precious children and Daddy all dolled up for the Baton Rouge General Father Daughter Dance...

I could only eek out one page for Halloween this year, must have been too much wine and too little camera...

 here are some of my crazy friends in Rayne, the zany frog capital, one of us is still kissing frogs to find her prince, so we helped her out....

during an exhilarating tax conference in December, Shane snuck down to New Orleans to meet me for dinner in the Quarter... and we actually got to stroll Fulton Street at night

Shane hit one of those milestone birthdays in December and we had quite the celebration.  Nothing like a party at the house to get those nagging unfinished projects completed... Steam clean all the carpets? Don't mind if I do... New decor for the living areas? why not...  10 trips to Goodwill?  absolutely!

so I actually have 4 mini pages that fit in between the two pages, but they are in clear dividers and didn't photograph well... trust me... everyone made the scrapbook...

nothing like spending the day in NOLA with Short Stop po-boys, Barq's root beer and a trip to the zoo...

I almost can't wait for the hot rolls from the school cafeteria.... It's a special treat when the Thanksgiving lunch invitation arrives...You've never seen so many carb counting moms scarf down a hot buttered roll!

Here's the not-so-little-one turning EIGHT...

and her skater girlz....

 I'm super excited to travel to St. Louis in a few weeks to scrapbook with some more great women. I'll keep you posted on my progress, and you keep me posted on your laughing!! 

Thanks to a few special friends...

I played with paper and glue this weekend...

I was lucky enough to spend a relaxing weekend in Mississippi last month with some friends and I finally unpacked those layouts too... 

Most of them are double page layouts, so just pretend I have mad photography/blog skills and can place them together... but that would ruin all of my creative relaxation, so I have to leave them as is...

I did realize that I haven't put layouts in albums since December 2011 - no wonder the stack was "this high"!!  That sounds like an awesome job for Morgan as soon as I buy enough albums... hopefully Hobby Lobby has the right sale this week :)

I'm hoping these special friends are going to keep me on the right track and creating regularly... I'm just a glitter kinda' girl at heart!