Insurance, or as I like to call it.... HELL

So I'm headed to Houston today with three sets of bags packed - an overnight stay, a four day chemo stay, and a two month stem cell transplant stay.  Frustrating, right?  You have no idea the level of frustration I have right now....

So here are the possible situations:

1. Have 3 tests tomorrow that are required for the stem cell insurance approval and come home while we wait for said approval (side note: I did have a small breakdown during our last visit when I had to sign the financial paperwork agreeing to the $680K down payment if insurance doesn't come through)

2. Have those tests but also stay for the 4 day in patient chemo (looking most likely as of 2:15pm)

3. Do the above two and if insurance approval comes by Friday then I stay after chemo and start the harvesting process on Tuesday

Remember I'm not like a crazy control freak, but one day versus two months makes a big difference in packing - not to mention my sanity.  So for all the people who have reached out today, please know I'm hanging on by a thread (and apparently I haven't taken enough Xanax to feel Zen).

And there is a second insurance issue - AFLAC has denied my short term disability claim.  AFLAC prides themselves in making a decision in 4 days (as stated on numerous letters), yet after almost two months of paperwork I have been denied.  I know it's still a paperwork issue, but it isn't helping my Zen state.

Since everyone is on the edge of their seats with anticipation I'll be sure to spread the news as soon as I find out how long I'll be at MDA this time.  Thank you for all of the texts, messages and prayers.

And while I'm not laughing at this very moment, I will experience my sister Jen's first Bucc-ee's experience on this trip which I expect will create tons of laughs!

The weekly wrap-up

So remember the past two years when I sat in my glass house and worked with a functional medicine doctor (even being featured in one of her print ads) and gave up carbs and caffeine and limited my alcohol all in the name of good gut health and preventing cancer recurrence???  Guess what I have to say to that little bitch health conscious self who said  "oh, I'll never binge on carbs if I ever have chemo/cancer again"???  I say that the egg salad that I made this morning (without relish which I normally like) along with saltines was fine at 10:30am.  But at 2 it was nightmare so I switched to M&M's (regular and caramel) with a side of cheese and very salty crackers.  In fact, the saltier the better.  Because everything tastes like cardboard and at least I can taste the salt.

I've been home from chemo #2 for 2 days and I feel the best when I'm in a recliner being very still and watching BRAVO.  I classed it up a little today with Season 2 of The Crown on Netflix.  This feeling of uselessness sucks, but in all honestly I did put away two dishes yesterday and I did a load of laundry today, so I'd say I'm #winning.

Chemo #2 was terrible - not to sugar coat it.  It was the nausea, and then the panic over the nausea and then obsessing over if I should I get up and try to throw up over the nausea...  You can see how this can spiral out of hand very quickly.  I think next time I will be a little better prepared.  Forget the laptop, I'm bringing an ice chest to provide a constant stream of carbs and protein - because I'm telling you, wait one minute too long to eat and the whole world is ending.  And I am going to need Xanax on regular intervals because it was clear from the blood pressure readings that once the nausea got too bad, I just panicked wondering how long I could survive which made my blood pressure spike and the walls cave in.  I'm sure people without some kind of anxiety disorder in their background have literally NO IDEA what I am talking about - so I'm talking to those of you that do...

I was extremely lucky to make it home for my birthday.  In the South "sneaux" is what we call it - you know with the cute "eaux" on the end because WE NEVER ACTUALLY SEE IT!  But it actually snowed on my birthday in Baton Rouge.  I was expecting it all to have melted by the time I got home at 7pm, but nope!  It held on and it was beautiful!

Chemo #1 and #2 have allowed me to compile a list of attributes in a caregiver:

#1 SILENCE - because I choose to sleep as much as possible, we can chat later over lunch... in a restaurant... when I have hair.....
#2 No eating in the room - Even when the food was delivered to the room next door I could smell it via the air vents and I almost lost my shit mind.
#3 No sudden movements - Just because I'm going into the bathroom to dry heave doesn't mean I need you holding my proverbial hair back.  I will be sure to call you when and if I need you.  By the way - NO ONE needs help vomiting!  It's just gross and a solo event.

I'll leave you with a few pictures of the snow - because snow in South LA makes everything better (for a day.... longer than that and we are just cranky and cold).

And yes, Morgan is the nutball in shorts!  Add hypothermia to our list of health concerns... Whatever you do, keep laughing!

What I call "Dread Day"

So we are heading out for Chemo #2 today.  This week I became keenly aware of how it feels when I need a blood transfusion and spent a day and a half at the hospital getting three bags of blood and two bags of platelets.  I applaud every blood donor, and I know that we all can't give  (hell, they won't take my blood), but when my head has been pounding with a migraine for 3 days and all I can hear is my own pulse in my ears I am completely grateful for blood donors.

We celebrated Avery's 13th birthday this week with no less than 3 events and sadly, one of my presents to her was a shaved head - mother of the year award right?  At least I sent both girls a text before they got home from school with a warning - that counts right?

I could only take two days of  tumbleweeds of hair in the house before I called it quits.  It was a cute "#2 with clippers” on Thursday and Friday for Avery's birthday and Shane's work party, but as of today we are down to "patchiness bordering on baldness" - and yet you know what hanging on?  The GREY!  My nephew and brother-in-law got a matching "#2" this week.

We will see the doctor tomorrow and be admitted to the hospital when a bed is ready.  Last time I was discharged at 10:30pm and I guarantee as soon as the room was cleaned they moved someone new in.  Remember MDA never sleeps...  Shane will head home on Wednesday and a friend will take his place to get me home on Friday or Saturday.

We are super excited for Dutchtown High School's first soccer game at home.  Soccer uses another field until football is over, but Thursday they play at the DHS stadium.  I can't wait for the tons of updates Shane sends me throughout the game.

I'm armed with plenty of pralines from a sweet friend for the doctors and nurses this week.  I find the happier they are, the more "good drugs" I get!  Hope your week is filled with laughter!