Summer is here!!

For the last 7 weeks, we have been waiting...impatiently...for this...

sure, most kids might wait for the pool to be full, but not mine...the plaster was finished on Thursday and the water started to climb...with the help of two little girls who just couldn't wait...

the girls have been in the pool everyday since then, and yesterday we spent the day in the sun (sunscreen required)...

I'm filling the freezer with hot dogs and pizza, because little bellies get very hungry in the pool!!!

Hope you had a great Memorial Day too!

nervous nelly...

Before cancer, Morgan and I were neck and neck in the "worry" race...Along with the HELL, cancer gave me a new perspective, but poor Morgan didn't get the memo...She still worries about EVERYTHING!!!  I went to Lafayette on Thursday and Friday, and here is a sampling of her Thursday morning worries:

She walks into the bathroom and says, "I thought you said we were leaving early today...It's not early..When are you going to be ready?" (it was two hours earlier than the previous mornings)

In the car: "What is the speed limit?  It doesn't feel like you are going 45 - it feels like 70.  Are you sure you are going 45?"

"Are you sure you can drop us off at camp this early?" (Camp starts at 6:30am and I was dropping them off at 8am)

"Does Daddy know what to pack in our swim bags tomorrow?"

"Does Daddy know how the camp carpool line works?  Does he have the sign with our names on it?"

Morgan may drive me back to meds!  I'm sure there is a way that I could respond to her that might alleviate some of her anxiety - I just need to find out how.  How sick is it that I am thinking about visiting a child psychologist about Morgan's anxiety?   Quite honestly, I figure if there is ANYWAY to reverse her mindset (lessen if I can't reverse), then I need to start as early as possible...

Maybe I should frame this for Morgan's room :)

how I waste my time...

the internet...two sites specifically...pinterest and polyvore

I've blogged about these before...polyvore is where amateurs can pretend to be stylists, interior designers, fashionistas...I've been creating some fashion sets - hopefully to keep me motivated to stay on my "healthy eating plan"...once my goals are achieved - SHOPPING SPREE!!!  here's a peek...

Naturally I will need to hire a personal shopper to actually find these items - but it's fun to dream!

now Pinterest...this site lets you "pin" (bookmark) things from all over the web into categories.  I have all types of boards (categories) - Scrapbooking, My backyard, and Things that make me LAUGH (my favorite)

Unfortunately Pinterest doesn't let you cut and paste a category, so I can't show you one of mine, but you can check it out here

I'm gathering all of the "signs" for the end of my blog posts on a Pinterest Board 

So when my blog goes for days without updates - now you know where I am...why don't you join me?  addicts love company :)

The hangover...

I need very little persuading to drown my stresses in a gluttony of food, and yesterday's "spot" provided me the perfect excuse.  I have been following a healthy eating plan (can't say diet in front of the girls) for 2 weeks and I've lost 7 pounds. I was already breathing a little better and moving around a little easier. Its like every cell in my body was starting to release some of the fluid...and then, that damn "little spot"...

So I hit the Cheezits, Starbursts and some Easter chocolate and then topped it off with an extra dose of sleeping pill...Guess how I feel today? - ummm, Roadkill...
I slept until noon - thanks to that extra little pill...when I woke my back was as stiff as a board, and I think every cell has filled back up with fluid - good times!

But rather than wallow in more self-pity, I got back on the wagon foodwise and drowned myself with water today...At least I stopped the cycle...

I am feeling much better about the "little spot"...many of you shared my concern and also agreed that I should repeat the MRI periodically...Dr. Spell has the results, knows my concerns and agrees with retesting, so I feel like everything is under control.  According to the neurologist, sometimes people who experience migraines develop a spot on the brain - I'm just not any old migraine sufferer since that whole cancer debacle!  But modern medicine and a deluge of prayers have gotten me this far,  I trust neither will fail me now!!

 This week I realized that the two most important beauty products are under eye concealer and an eyebrow pencil. Since mother's day, I've been wigless - and its wonderful. Even better is that Morgan is getting more comfortable with the look. I think she only looked at me twice this week with the "you aren't going outside like that" face. Let me tell you, when your hair is 1/2 an inch - a big smile is not an accessory, its mandatory. Who doesn't look better with a smile, right?  So I'm polishing my smile, drinking my water and starting over on the diet...

We all deserve a second chance...

Hope you have a fantastic weekend filled with laughs!

Just a little spot...

That's what the neurologist said this morning when going over the results from my MRI.  Then followed up with, "It's nothing - don't worry about it".

Let's see - I seem to remember hearing those words before, and it didn't end very well...  I suggested to the neurologist that we maybe keep an eye on this "little spot" and retest at periodic intervals - but no, he said there was no need...

OK - maybe HE doesn't think there is a need, but it's MY brain here...and I also know how fast things go from Stage 1 to Stage 4...So what do I do?  Walk right out of the building and call Dr. Spell (my oncologist) and leave a blubbering idiot-like message directing him straight to the fax machine for my MRI results

I only cried for half of the 50 minutes until Dr. Spell called me - pretty good, I think...He agreed that the spot is "nothing" but suggested that we recheck the "little spot" periodically...See - that's what I'm talking about...I like some reassurance periodically

If it was up to me, I'd have daily PET scans and MRIs - just to check...helps me sleep ya' know...

I might need to change neurologists, maybe to one who understands my need to sleep at night...

water everywhere...

You've probably heard about the little Mississippi River flooding problem...well the water is heading South and is reaching some parts of Louisiana now and during the next two weeks...I took these pictures yesterday of the Bonnet Carre Spillway between Destrehan and LaPlace

There were police stationed at the area, and more than a few cars stopped to view the water...

In March when Shane did the Warrior Dash, the area below was the race site...as in NOT under water...

check out the TOPS of trees below...

look how close the water is to the road...Shane says normally this area is dry and dotted with picnic tables 

The water should reach it's peak on May 23

Many Louisiana residents are preparing for flooding.  My friend Anna Lisa's parents live in a specifically precarious area on a water bank...They have spent a week moving pictures and family heirlooms to safer, higher ground.

Side Note: One of Morgan's nicknames is "Morganza" and when people started talking about the opening of the Morganza Spillway, Morgan couldn't understand why all of the adults were talking about her...My Nervous Nelly...

I'll keep you posted on the rising water...and for all of the people affected by the flooding throughout the US...

A Dieter's Delight...

Chemo hair loss - no problem...Chemo weight gain....WAY more disturbing...See for me, hair is an accessory - I've dyed it red, highlighted it, chopped it off, grew it long, and now lost it completely...so to me, it's like wearing earrings or not...no biggie...

But gaining 40 pounds (45 after the Mother's Crawfish Boil, thank you very much), is a blow to me...a girl who has struggled with her weight all of her life.  Don't you just hate when you look back on pictures when you "thought you were overweight", and now just long to be that size again!!

So here I go again...sticking to a diet regime...passing up the Cane's chicken finger (and more importantly the sauce) and choosing the broccoli spear instead...

I'm not trying to sell you on this, people...I'm not quite sold myself...


I can totally admit that I'm a food whore...Given the choice of 2 ounces of my FAVORITE Cambozola Cheese at 200 calories (I discovered Cambozola 13 years ago on my honeymoon in Napa Valley, and, seriously, my life was forever altered) or 6 1/2 cups of salt-free, butter-free popcorn - give me the cardboard... I mean popcorn...I'm just a "more is more" kinda girl....
 
And this time, while I'm going all food healthy, I'm also keeping the "cancer diet" in mind.  No matter which one you look at, everyone suggests sticking with plant based foods vs. animal based foods.  So this week, I'm on the hunt for little changes - like instead of turkey on my Subway salad, a 1/2 cup of chick peas is about the same amount of calories and more filling...of course I have to actually remember to bring the chick peas to work FOR the salad....damn...that might be the hardest part...
 
Today I am armed with my chick peas, edamame, broccoli, 2 green teas and a Coke Zero- hey, I'm not perfect - this girls gotta have her "crack"
 
I'm also checking in with the One Weigh folks today for a little support on the "healthy eating" plan (I try not to say the word "diet" in front of the girls).  Oh...funny story...in a twisted sick way...
 
We were driving home on Monday, and I was talking to the nurse at my Gastroenterologist's office.  I told her that I would stop by and see her on Thursday when I was at the Digestive Health Center for the One Weigh meeting... and I mentioned the 40 pound weight gain...Later, when I attempted a walk around the block, Morgan, oh precious one, said, "Mommy, I bet it's hard to walk around the block since you gained 40 pounds..."
 
And just another reminder that your children HEAR and REMEMBER everything!!
 
I"ll keep you posted on my progress...see if I actually tell you that I'm trying...then the pressure is on...I can't just go all "Margarita and chips crazy"!!!
 
 

 

Tougher Morgan Questions...

A few nights ago, Morgan came out with this whopper...

"So Mommy, since everyone says I look like you, does that mean I'm going to get cancer too?"

oh boy...that was a tough one...but it didn't prepare me for last night's question...

"Mommy, I know people die from cancer...so when are you going to die?"

OK - I bit my lip to keep from crying and explained that not everyone dies from cancer...and I am one of the lucky ones...I also told her that I fought very hard because I didn't want she and Avery to grow up without a Mommy...

so sorry teachers, but the girls got a "Mommy day" today, because sometimes I try anything to make up for the fact that my seven year old is faced with such mature issues...

and so for today, I'll go with this bit of wisdom...

fortunately our day was filled with laughs - and tonight we are piling into my bed for a "girls only" slumber party!  hope your day was filled with laughter too!

Rainbows are Real...

As I was talking to Dr. Spell today, I asked him about my next Rituxan treatment in 6 months...And I was overwhelmed by his response (like about to hug him overwhelmed)...

I found out that Lo-Grade Lymphoma (which seems less frightening, but really is the incurable kind) requires maintenance Rituxan every 6 months for 2 years, but Aggressive Lymphoma (sounds worse, but it is actually curable) only requires two maintenance Rituxan treatments - Guess what kind I have???  Aggressive...which means I AM DONE!!!! For once, I've done something right - I have the RIGHT KIND of lymphoma!

NO MORE STEROIDS!!!  NO MORE FIVE HOUR TREATMENTS!!!  NO MORE MEDI-PORT!!!  I may finally sleep on my back again (without the use of sleeping pills)!  You think when the surgeon removes the medi-port he might like to try his hand at plastic surgery?!?

This makes the sweating, the discomfort from the needle hitting a nerve, the hand, leg and foot cramps that have already dropped me to the floor today, and the drop in White Blood count that might hit on Wednesday even more tolerable this week...I had to share the GOOD NEWS with everyone!

To a girl who gained 40 pounds during Chemo - this means a return to healthy eating WITHOUT the interruption of steroids every 6 months...give me a break - I'm still a girl who would prefer to fit in her old clothes rather than buy more plus sized ditties...

And I have the perfect sign...

 

I hope you had an awesome day too!

Doctor Dread...

oh, I thought these says were over...but not quite yet...tomorrow I get a dose of Rituxan - a FIVE hour dose...the Rituxan itself isn't bad, i'm just hoping the five day migraine doesn't follow like last time...

then Tuesday, I have an MRI to make sure the lymphoma hasn't spread to my brain...always a comforting thought...and even though my oncologist bets it hasn't, that's what everyone said a few months ago - and look what happened...

so I'll be putting on a brave face this week...for the girls...they can sense fear...they are like dogs that way...who knew dogs and children would have that same sixth sense...

I've been collecting cute sayings especially for days like this...I'll be reading them often...I hope you like them too...

 I think a visit to Rue Beignet on Highland is in order after this week :)