Week in Review

I'm a clear nail polish kinda' girl...Sometimes I live on the wild side and choose "Coney Island Cotton Candy" by OPI...but it NEVER fails at this time of year, I see women with really festive nails - red nails, glittery nails, that really cool dark nail polish...so, of course, EVERY YEAR I go a little crazy and try a festive color...and every year I look like a HOOKER...

The same goes for Bloody Marys...I like all of the ingredients of a Bloody Mary and I LOVE the idea of the cool Tabasco green beans and celery sticking out of the glass..but EVERY TIME I taste one, I throw up a little...I really don't understand how they look so good and taste so gross...

Avery was in the first grade Christmas play this week...Skunks in a Christmas play??...Now that's funny stuff!

Have you ever reached into the dryer and the clothes feel "dry enough"...usually I experience this with jeans - where the pockets and crotch are just a little moist...and it's gross...Today I experienced a new level of moisture...I thought my bra was "dry enough"...a damp bra against the "girls" beats moist jeans hands down...

And just when I thought my moist bra was a problem, I talked to a friend whose underwire had come out of one side of her bra on her drive to work...How loud do you think I laughed when I visualized one droopy boob next to one perky boob (and by "perky", I mean "less droopy")...she won - because one droopy boob trumps moist boobs any day...

I'm "enjoying" the holidays alcohol free...and although I was never a big drinker, some commitments are enhanced by a little wine...or Jack Daniels...straight...but alcohol plus residual cancer drugs equals an immediate return of chemo nauseau...and since I'm out of Phenergan, I'm stepping away from that cocktail...Damn...I have the entire Skinnygirl collection collecting dust on my countertop...

So if you're looking for a cocktail, feel free to stop by my house, but you'll have to drink alone...and I will laugh when you start slurring your words...Happy Holidays!

just 5 things...

1. Since it's 80 degrees with 1,000% humidity today, I turned the air conditioner down to 68 until my toes froze and then made hot chocolate...that's how we "create" Christmas here in Louisiana...

2. My PET scan results are in, and I am still cancer free.  I have started to sleep again unaided by sleeping pills...mostly...let's not go totally crazy...

3. Since Coco the Chihuahua entered our lives, the bickering in our house has quadrupled...The girls now fight over who can feed Coco, hold Coco, look at Coco, hug Coco, pick up Coco's shit...

One day this week I found myself yelling, "You two are fighting over SHIT!"  When the girls IN FACT realized they were fighting over who could touch dog poo, they felt pretty ridiculous.  But that has not stopped me from telling EACH ONE of their FRIENDS repeatedly...mom's SWEET revenge!!  oh, and I'm pretty sure Social Services will be arriving any minute, since I cursed at my children in the front yard...

4. I love my therapist...I especially love that since I pay her to listen to me, even when she disagrees with me, she makes it sounds like she's agreeing with me...I've only started seeing a therapist since the chemo debacle ended...weird how when in you're in the middle of it, you don't have time for the emotional crap (and when I say "you", I mean "me")...

5. I'm feeling guilty about how sweet my girls looked in their Christmas picture...I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think they look like that normally, because normally they look like "raggamuffins" (as my mom would say)...I mean it was a Christmas picture...of course, I made them brush their hair, brush their teeth and put on a dress...but please don't accuse me of doing that only a daily basis, I only strive for brushed teeth on a daily basis...

5a. I had Christmas lunch today at school.  Avery only ate the mystery turkey and the fruit (leaving the prized roll) but Morgan redeemed Avery by "loving the greasy bottom of the roll"...no DNA test required...that one's mine!!

Chronic illness...

I've kind of had the crash course of "living with cancer" over the last month.  I used to think that people got cancer, got chemo, got cured and lived happily ever after...

And I still hope that does happen, but I don't think it's the norm....

30 or 40 years ago Cancer was considered an Acute Illness - meaning rapid onset and short duration - the duration was short because it quickly ended in the pearly gates...Fast forward to today, and Cancer is now considered a Chronic Illness - ie - long lasting with relapses and periods of remission...

What the "What to Expect During Cancer" book doesn't mention is that even though the cancer might be gone, that same cancer could have caused a host of other problems - some lifelong...and that part sucks...bad...

Anyway, I am having a few issues right now, which if occurred individually would be nothing, but when you lump them all together they become "suspicious"...and we all know what "suspicious" means...the "suspicions" will either be confirmed or hopefully denied after my scans this week...too bad the five day waiting period is a test of patience...and deep breathing...and xanax...

If these issues aren't cancer, then I move to Plan B -and figure out what they are.  Starting with a rheumatology workup to determine if it's an auto-immune related disease...and I have no idea what any of that means and I don't intend to speculate...I learned a year ago...DON'T SPECULATE...

but what I know for sure is that cancer isn't an isolated thing, it doesn't live in a vacuum...once it takes hold, it makes sure to keep popping up...probably when you least expect it...and that doesn't make me laugh...not one bit...but other things do make me laugh, so I concentrate on those...

kind of like my sweet birthday girl Avery this week with her new tutu wearing dog Coco...

A tutu wearing dog...now that's funny stuff!!

Scrappin'

I escaped last month to Pine Lily Retreat House.  I caught up on Law and Order reruns (seriously, you can always find one on...) and did some major scrappin' and laughing with good friends...

I get so much done when I'm with friends...it's just more fun to steal THEIR ribbon than use my own!!  and I was very thankful that Melanie brought the latest issue of Scrapbook Trends because I pretty much "borrowed" a piece of every layout.  I think each time I head out for a weekend retreat, I'll pick up the latest copy of Scrapbook Trends from now on...Why think when someone else can do it for you??

Hope you are laughing this weekend!

I'm still here...

one year ago today Dr. Spell's office called...luckily Shane answered...they had received the results of my liver and lymph node biopsy and wanted us to come in for the results...and the nurse told Shane not to let me come alone...

I was oblivious....still thinking we were ruling out things to get to the real problem...I can't even imagine how agonizing the two hours were for Shane between the phone call and our appointment...

It's been a hell of a year...Most of the time it doesn't seem real, and there are times when I actually forget, but one glance in the mirror at my bald head always brought me back to reality...It wasn't until Shane Googled "Stages of Lymphoma" that we realized having lymphoma in your lymph nodes, liver and spleen meant Stage Four...and if I had believed what I read in those first few days, I would have given up and succumbed to the inevitable...but Dr. Spell ALWAYS said I would make it...he said it would suck (and he didn't lie), but he NEVER gave us any doubt...We stopped all Internet searches very early on - a VERY important lesson...

I learned many valuable lesson this year...You can probably guess that slowing down to enjoy the small things (especially the small people) -  tops the list...I could lecture on this, but I can understand that unless something traumatic happens to someone, it's really a difficult lesson to embrace...

Chemo sucked...but there was always something to laugh about - most often myself...and laughing ALWAYS helps...

Laughing is wonderful, and if you aren't laughing, you can at least smile...and I've learned that when you are bald, there is one ESSENTIAL fashion accessory...

I am much less judgemental now...I've realized that unless you are in someone else's shoes, you have no idea what they may be dealing with...now I cut people more slack and take a lot more deep breaths... 

And now I smile when people ask, "Is everything back to normal?"...They don't get it, because life will NEVER be "back to normal"...I have a new normal and it is VERY different from one year ago...but when days are difficult (as many still are)... Instead of wallowing, I concentrate on one thing...

and I wake up, put a smile on my face, and welcome a new day....over and over again....I hope you do too...

Only in my dreams...

if I close my eyes and really concentrate...this is what I see around my house...




susieharrisblog.com


farleykids.blogspot.com





oh, I give up...I can visualize these better if I am napping....and since all of these images are pinned on Pinterest, I'm sure I'll get to them...one day...

Sweet Niblets...

And by that, I mean delicious food that my mom cooked and brought to my house...Being totally stuffed leaves me very little energy for anything except "pinning" or blogging, so I here I go...

I set my table using my china for the second time in the fourteen years I've had it...Googled "Place Setting Diagram" to remember how....Before Google I would have had to walk ALL THE WAY upstairs and get the Emily Post book from the bookshelf, then use the Index to find the page on Table Setting...Google is so much easier, and allows me to be SO much lazier....

Even though I took Home Ec at Mt. Carmel, I'm pretty sure "Table Setting" is a use or lose it kind of thing...

I would appreciate it if you didn't mention the lack of stemware...I just left that near the wine...exactly where it should be....

In true Thanksgiving Spirit, we had an Indian present....

A Large Bow Wearing Indian named Hannah along with Avery...and our new dog Coco....no, I didn't stutter, I did say "Our New Dog", and yes, poor Coco looks terrified...she's had bouts of terror since her arrival on Tuesday evening...but she's warming up to us....me especially...

I'm convinced Coco thrives on neglect, because she has chosen ME as her new BFF, and really, I'm the least likely person in this house to go all gaga over her...She actually stood outside the shower and cried the ENTIRE time today...really, can't make this up....

But Avery and Morgan are THRILLED and I'm happy that they are happy...Could this smile be any bigger?  But what melted my heart was when Morgan said, "Mommy, is this a dream?"

So I'm full, thankful that my mom did all the cooking and practically all of the cleaning, happy that my girls are in love with our new dog Coco and REALLY looking forward to my 3am wake up call from Coco's cries...funny that I'm the only one that hears her at 3am...funny in a "not so funny kinda way"

Hope you laughed your way through Thanksgiving!  We did...I mean, mostly we were laughing AT people...but hey, they're family...what did they expect, right?

Got to post the highlights from my NYC trip next, maybe during one of the 3am wake up calls....

Hoping for Infection...

oh boy...my life has had some twists and turns, and I just never know what might be next...

Friday I awoke with swelling in my lower leg accompanied by red splotches...no big deal, right??  Remember, I'm a CPA and the only thing I know about medicine is that sometimes I can deduct medical expenses on a tax return...

The pain stinks, so I mention it to a few people...how does everyone else just KNOW this could be a blood clot???  Did I miss the memo?  What the hell is a blood clot anyway????

By the time I get dressed for the appointment, the pain/swelling and redness has spread up my calf, so in preparation for someone looking at my leg, I shave only the bottom half, good enough, right?

I get to the doctor to find out that blood clots and cellulitis (an infection) look similar...and to check for the clot I need an ultrasound...I also do some blood work to pursue the infection possibility...

so here's where it gets ridiculous...I'm sitting alone in the room waiting for the ultrasound tech...I'm freaking out because I have NO IDEA what you do if you have a blood clot...Shane is in Brazil, Ashley is in Savannah, and my mom has all four of our kids since I'm at the doctor...Naturally I start to cry, partly because I'm scared shitless and partly because I sitting there hoping for an infection...my life is such a circus that I am praying for an INFECTION!

After the ultrasound that started in the GROIN of both legs...remember, I only shaved knee down so I am mortified...I finally start breathing again when I find out its only an infection...

So I'm home, with antibiotics and four cuckoo girls upstairs playing "Fashion Show".  Best part of the day was getting some beautiful shots of my girls...

Thank God for these girls...and infections!!

Disgusted...

I'm not a reality TV junkie...I occasionally check out people.com when I'm thoroughly bored...Of course I glance at the trashy magazine covers while in line at the grocery store...Truthfully I know very little about celebrity gossip/drama...

But today, I was riveted thoroughly bored while listening to continuing ed on the web...so I opened a new window to people.com...  Every headline was about Kim Kardashian's divorce filing...for some reason this has completely revolted me...

Last week I was in a doctor's waiting room (this should come as no surprise) and the TV was tuned to an interview with Kim and Kris... and of course she was complaining about all the work she had to do to prepare for the wedding...her three Vera Wang gowns...the Wolgang Puck menu...blah blah blah...

I just THOUGHT I was disgusted then...fast forward to today when after 72 days she files for divorce...

Are the producers of her show embarrassed?  Because they must realize that while there are true problems in the world that could be helped by an influx of funds, but instead they financed this debacle?  I don't know the price tag on the wedding, or who actually picked up the tab, but I can imagine KK didn't spend much of her own money.  Is Vera Wang embarrassed that she got caught up in the hype too?  along with every other person's whose name is now tainted by association with the KK "wedding"...if you dare call it that??

I prefer not to do any actual research because I'm scared to find out that KK's following might even be stronger now...and that thought is so depressing that I can't face it...

I find comfort in the fact that my world does NOT revolve around attention grabbing, fame hungry people...but it sickens me that I'm probably in the minority...I am going to go to sleep with my (mostly) sweet little girls tonight, thankful that they don't know the likes of KK and her circus...

a few new layouts

I've done a little scrapbooking lately.  It's so much more fun with friends, and I was lucky enough to get together with some last month.

 my precious niece and nephew, Mia and Nick...

my Mother-in-Law is a huge Saints fan....Can you tell?

another Christmas layout...(using my Scrap-n-Easel to put everything together)

 one of my favorites...four orange smiles!!

 and my niece Hannah's Pre-K Graduation

Thanks for looking!  Hope your weekend is filled with laughs!

Thank you Aibileen

I finally saw The Help today and it was amazing...But what struck me most were the simple yet powerful words Aibileen said to Mae...

I can't imagine there is a child in the world who couldn't benefit from hearing these words...and that made me  evaluate how well I show my girls that they are important, and I think I do an ok job, but how easy is it to TELL them "You are kind, you smart and you are important" and in a world so obsessed with beauty, I want to validate them in ways that don't deal with physical beauty.  I think I might add "You are strong" the list...

So I repeated Aibileen's words to Avery tonight (using correct grammar of course), and I made her repeat them to me...then I had to explain what important meant...and then we watched a thrilling Hello Kitty movie... and 20 minutes later Avery took my face in her hands and said, "Mommy, I'm kind, I'm smart, I'm important, and I love you more"...and I melted...

So thank you Aibileen for giving me something important to share with my girls... If they grow up believing that they are kind, smart, important and strong, then Shane and I have succeeded...

According to Avery...

"Noodle" shirts are her favorite (also know as spaghetti straps)...

Earlier when we were riding bikes she told me she was using her abdominal muscles, but she prefers to call them her "McDonald muscles" because its funnier...

And lastly, when Shane asked her if she wanted to play soccer, she responded with: "not in a million years"

maybe she is my daughter after all...

Yes, Virginia, chemo curls are real...

and here's the proof...

Heather before chemo...

and Heather after chemo...

and I really thought people were exaggerating about this whole curly hair thing...clearly I was mistaken...

My first post-chemo PET scan came back clear today.  I certainly don't think about cancer returning on a daily basis, but somehow when you're awaiting PET scan results, it kind of consumes you!  Three months down, 4 years and 9 months to go...and then I'll be a Survivor in my mind...and we'll REALLY party!!

just routine...

Not much happening at the Bellanger house...just loving the cooler weather...

homework, friends, soccer and tumbling...that's our new routine, and I'm thankful for not missing one minute!

Morgan turned 8 in August and a few Dutchtown High School Cheerleaders were on hand to help her celebrate...

I am rearranging my scrapbook room again, and that means the creative juices are starting to flow again.  Got some cropping in yesterday, and I want to keep the streak alive...

We have Morgan's first soccer game this afternoon - loving that the weather is so nice...

Routine around here, and I LOVE routine for a change!!

Hope your routine is filled with a few laughs!

For a stormy weekend...

We are preparing for a wet Labor Day weekend, but I will remember this...

so just like last night, I will laugh as I watch my girls play in the rain...in bathing suits...

Hope you find something to laugh about this weekend.

Snack Lady...

So today I stepped into the world of School Volunteer...I have always wanted to get involved with the girls' school, but I always thought of a million reasons why I couldn't commit...Fast forward to the post-cancer world, and I realized my girls are only going to want me at school for a little longer...There will quickly come the day that my appearance on the school campus will cause a panic attack and the silent treatment...

So I signed up to be a Snack Sale Volunteer.  Once a month the parent's organization sells snacks at recess to raise money for the school...easy enough, right??

I could KICK myself for not doing this sooner!!  Those toothless smiling faces were the cutest, most precious things in the world!  I can't count how many times I heard, "It's Morgan and Avery's mom!!" followed by a sweet smile or an even sweeter sweaty hug!!

Don't take this as a signal that I'm making a career change though...it was great for three hours...but I know that those 20+ cute faces, wouldn't look as cute to me after 7 hours in the classroom...It takes a very special person to be a teacher and my hat is off to them!  Today was a great reminder to....

Hope you have a great weekend!

Cancer Sucks...

There is a woman that I have never met...but she "met" me through my blog...a mutual friend sent her to my blog when her brother was suffering from cancer...

She placed this sign on her Spanish Town float...

she did this, and remember we have never met...

I found out today that her brother Kevin died this morning.  So tonight I cry for her and her family...because Cancer Sucks...