August 29

6 years ago today I had an emergency c-section, 4 years ago today I had an emergency evacuation, but today I have a smiling, sassy, precious 6 year old little girl. Happy Birthday Peanut! love, Mommy

The good tears are streaming...

Just got the funniest e-mail - had to post it - My stomach hurts from laughing so much - I hope you enjoy!

Random Thoughts of the Day:

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actuallybecomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantrontest is absolutely petrifying.

My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."Classy, bro.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Hope you laughed out loud!!!

Even Rosa Parks can catch the bus...

And that's how we started our day...

Morgan only rode the bus once last week, so I made sure we were both outside at the end of the driveway furiously waving our arms as the bus drove right past us....

All the kids saw us, but not the driver - what exactly does this say about her attention to the road around her????

And if you remember from last year's scolding - WE ARE NOT TO RUN AFTER THE BUS WHEN SHE FORGETS US! So we got into the car and headed to the carpool line.

Then I came home, turned down the a/c, and crawled back in bed...

SUCKER!!!!!!

That's me - a HUGE sucker!!!!!!





This is Avery on the floor of the intern's office (remember - mine is "under repair"). Watching a movie and coloring and giving me kisses every few minutes. But here's why....





Ouch! That red spot is a bug bite. My girls (just like me) have the worst allergic reactions to bug bites. Don't everyone start screaming - we have been through this DOZENS of times over the years between the two girls. It's not staph, although there have been overzealous Urgent Care doctors who have treated it as such.

So AveryBird is now asking my opinion on which brown crayon is the sharpest while I try to calculate penalties and interest on a delinquent return - so conducive to concentrating... Why do I even try???

BTW, the tub mystery seems to be solved. A former police officer was questioning me - and it was more than a little unnerving...

We keep all of the tub toys in a very small laundry basket in the tub. The basket naturally becomes a toy in the tub. There were plenty bubbles in the tub that night, and when Morgan went to stand up (probably to pour water on Avery's head), she slipped on the bubbly tub bottom and landed on a the basket. But the plastic basket was already broken, so it seems that she landed on the broken part of the basket and scratched both cheeks. Have no fear - Avery threw that MEAN basket away!

So on Wednesday Morgan was here and today it's Avery at the office - I could use more than Calgon!

Who needs TV?

I mean, I couldn't make this stuff up...

So last night, M&A are in the bathtub and Mo starts crying that she slipped and hurt her butt. I'm like "whatever" - just get out of the tub and dry off. But the crying is getting louder and I figure Social Services would want me to check on her. So I get off my bed, put my book down and go into my bathroom to find a bleeding hiney - I'm an accountant - I don't do blood!

So I dry her off - while she is wailing in my ear, and lay her on my bed, keeping calm the entire time (pretty much). So one side of her butt has about 5 pretty deep scratches and the other cheek has a cut. All of which is bleeding. And Morgan is yelling that we need to go to the doctor.

I know I'm an accountant, but I can look at it and see there is no need for stitches, but Drama Queen isn't satisfied by a layman's opinion. So I call Uncle Bryan who luckily lives in the compound and is a Physician Assistant and he comes over to calm Morgan's fears and tells her she'll be just fine.

So I have Morgan on my bed and I'm trying to put bandaids on the bleeding areas which is WAY difficult because she is clenching her butt cheeks and the bleeding areas are almost inside.... Are you picturing this ridiculous scene???

So naturally, she has a meltdown that there is NO WAY that she could go to school today because she couldn't sit on the hard chair and there is NO WAY that I can tell her teacher what happened because that would be the most mortifying thng for a first grader...

So, guess who is spending the day with Mommy???? I know, sucker.....

So yesterday....

Remember how I was tempted to take the day off? I should have turned the a/c to 60, wrapped myself up in the down comforter and gone back to sleep, but instead...

See where I'm standing? Yep - that's where my desk should be... And see the buckets and trash cans, yep - they are catching the dripping water from the ceiling. There seems too be an a/c unit in the attic above my head and it clogged this weekend causing the drip pan to overflow - and by overflow, I man FLOODED!!!

So yesterday, the a/c line was cleared and the water was sucked out of the carpet and sanitized. Today the a/c unit was fixed and the carpet was cleaned. My office still smells like mildew and we have to wait until the ceiling dries out before the sheetrock can be replaced. I have taken up temporary residence on the other side of the building, and I'm considering moving here permanently. Maybe my concentration will be better if I separate myself from Ashley and Lucy.

So, after hearing about all of this (and other sundry details that I have spared you), my friend Angel sent me this:

Now THIS made me laugh!!!!

I'm trying to decide if today is a "Mental Health Monday"

and that is a fancy way of saying "playing hookie" - but it sounds better.

ashley hasn't called yet, so maybe she has the same idea, she has usually checked in by now to get a status update...

Oh man, I just checked Blackberry Messenger and last night she sent me a message that reads, and I quote, "I have a few concerns about BellMac that we need to discuss".

This is bad - Ashley isn't the one that has concerns about BellMac - she generally leaves the worrying to me... OK - stomach is hurting now - gotta call her - It may be more of a mental health day than I thought.....Wish me luck...

Our last summer adventure...

last week me and Jen piled Morgan, Avery, Nick (and forty five pounds of snacks) into GiGi's SUV and headed to NOLA to spend the dat at the Children's Museum... our last summer hurrah!

Don't forget about the HUGE (and I mean GIGANTIC) 3rd anniversary celebration at Scrapbook and Co. this Saturday. Even if you're heading to the Jonas Brothers - plan to be at Co. at 10 when the doors open - I mean if you are going to suffer through the Jonas Brothers, you deserve to treat yourself to some scrapbook goodies!!!

Adventures with Zoe and Memories of my Sweet Grandmother...

Two ToTAlly unrelated subjects...

First, my sweet grandmother Ethel (GiGi's mom)... Grandma Ethel had 7 children, which equates to a zillion grandchildren - but she NEVER missed a dance recital, baseball game, wrestling match or school play... And for the girls, she always brought a bouquet of flowers. As she got older, and limited her driving, instead of florist bouquets, the girls got freshly cut bouquets from her garden. They always smelled sweeter than the store bought kind. I'll never forget how special I felt knowing that Grandma Ethel would be waiting at the end of the performance with a big hug and a bouquet of flowers.

Yesterday we went to GiGi's house because naturally Morgan had to tell GiGi about EVERY minute of First Grade! I was instantly back in high school at the end of a chorus performance when I saw Morgan, Avery and GiGi go to the backyard to cut flower for their teachers. M&A were so excited about bringing flowers to school today. I'm so happy they will have wonderful memories about flower bouquets from their GiGi's garden.

trust me - I tried to snag that headband out of Avery's hair...

And now, sweet Zoe...everyone that knows Avery knows that she eats, sleeps and lives dogs. She wants dog purses, dogs on her clothes, dogs monogrammed on her backpack... So my friend Paula is looking for a home for her dog Zoe - perfect! I tell the girls that we need to "puppysit" for Miss Paula's dog Zoe. Let's just try out this dog thing before we commit...

So I pick up Zoe from Paula's house and she IS sweet and precious. I picked the girls up from school with Zoe in the car (don't start calling the Humane Society - I left the A/C on full blast). OMG - they were beyond excited when they got to the car. That excitement lasted for a full 15 minutes after we got home. The next 15 minutes, they fought over who could touch her, and after that, they pretty much forgot she was there.... So poor Zoe was left to hang out with me - and I don't think laundry and dishes are her idea of fun...

Have no worries about precious little Zoe. There are eight other families wanting to adopt Zoe. I'm sure she will make another family very happy - unfortunately she would have caused this mother to take more medication.... Happy trails Zoe!

First grade - here we come...

And by WE - I mean Morgan...

Morgan's teacher's name is Ms. Flood - how appropriate for some Katrina transplants!

And here is the "very cool 1st grader SLING backpack"

then there's Avery - you can just never get enough of that booty shake...

I'm thinking the college savings fund can be directed to Morgan - Avery looks like she's headed for Plank road...

So let me tell you what happened this morning... I was sleeping in Morgan's bed and I must have had a dream that Shane came into the room to wake us up. So I wake Morgan up with a big song and dance about her first day as a first grader and she's excited and we walk downstairs and I glance at the clock - twice. Did it really say 5:45??? So I go into our bedroom - Shane and Avery are dead to the world and I gently ask Shane, "Did you just come wake me up". You can imagine the look on his face and thoughts of having me committed running through his head...

So I think that proves that although at night there are times when my eyes are closed, my mind never sleeps...

I am officially the old lady in the parking lot...

who loses her car - oh yeah - that was me - yesterday in the Walmart parking lot. Me and the girls were laughing so hard at ME losing the car that of course other people joined in. I was trying the unlock button (at M & A's suggestion), but hearing nothing. Then a kind women - who was laughing hysterically WITH me suggests that I hit the panic button - perfect - but alas - apparently I'm too far away, because no alarm. So now, the laughing people leave and we continue to wander around aimlessly for a little while longer until I find the car 3 aisles over - so now I am tying a rainbow colored ribbon to my antenna (wait - do I have an antenna) - do they make "the clapper" for your car???

I should have known going into Walmart that it just wasn't going to be pretty when I told the girls, "Please behave, Mommy is getting tired" and Morgan said, "and annoyed?" She's pretty damned smart...

Do you remember how I said before that I LOVE school supply shopping? Well, I've decided I loved it only before my children actually NEEDED school supplies. I mean where did all the construction paper go? Seriously, Walmart, Target, Walgreens and Big Lots - NONE. I saw some awhile ago at the Dollar Store, but I didn't buy it because the supply list says "Not Bound and separated by color". So I was afraid of tearing the paper if I ripped it out of the pad and then having a Mortified Morgan at school.

So what do I do? Call my mom who is in New Orleans - as if no one in New Orleans is looking for construction paper - but I was desperate. Luckily she had just been to Office Depot day and they had construction paper - Bingo! So off to Office Depot we go. I'm talking to Morgan in the store about how we need to find construction paper and a harried mom (like myself) points to the back and says, but it's a 300 pack and it's like $9. I look at her, smile, and tell her I would pay $100 right now for frazzlin construction paper! She gives me that smile, knowing exactly how I feel.

So we bought the 300 pack for the art teacher and we found an Unbound normal size pack that Morgan is now separating into colors on the den floor.

Here's another thing - every crayon has to have her name on it? Seriously? Who made that rule? Someone who needs medication! But Lucy printed out pages of labels with Morgan's name and we just finished labeling the crayons, markers and glue sticks (giant ones NOT regular size).

Why doesn't my school's Parent's Organization offer a school supply kit? I would pay double, triple even - and I'm cheap. But I am over the hunt for construction paper, the Avery #11096 plastic insertable two pocket dividers AND a washcloth.

Do you know what else we purchased this weekend? Two portable DVD players. This seems normal, right? It would be if it weren't a "replacement" for the $2,000 DVD's that are in the headrests of the Ironman's car. So not only do M&A each have a princess/tinkerbell TV/DVD in her room, now they each have a portable DVD player that they are watching IN THEIR room! This is disturbing to me mostly because I don't watch TV. I find it completely unecessary. And the playroom/Man Room now has TWO Tv's - Ugh. When Shane asked me if I wanted a TV in my scrap room I looked at him like he had grown a second head. Hello - married almost 12 years??? Do I watch TV? And the one rule I have stuck to in those 12 years - no TV in our bedroom. The LAST think I want to hear as I go to sleep or wake up is CNN or Survival Man - because if the Shane had his way, there would only be three stations - CNN, Discovery and ESPN. It's bad enough when we are in a hotel that I go to sleep and wake up to the TV - that's enough!

So my new Girl's Loft scrapbook Kit arrived yesterday and now I'm going to tear it open and touch all of the fabulous goodies. I haven't even scrapbooked with any of last months goodies. They make me happy just looking at them.

One last thing - Big sale at Scrapbook and Co Monday and Tuesday - check out the blog:
www.scrapbookandcompany.blogspot.com

Laugh out oud today -- even if it's at yourself wandering around a parking lot!

Busy Week...

I'll post pics soon, but I took the girls to the Children's Museum, made 5 kits for Scrapbook and Co, solved tax crises (that really is the plural, I check Websters), continued to organize my scrap room, yelled at the health insurance company, didn't get a pedicure - but desperately need one, took a photography class, finished the fifth book in the Catherine Coulter FBI series and started the sixth one, made about 5 hundred lists and only crossed off about half of the items....

OK - that's enough about my mundane week - heading out to Scrapbook and Co this morning - the New To You Sale is going to be HUGE!!!! I filled four 8 foot tables of stuff last night, and there was still more "treasures" to go out - with more stuff coming in this morning. Plus my new kits are going out this morning. So throw your clothes on and get to the store!

Check www.scrapbookandcompany.blogspot.com to see my new $11 kits.

oh, and laugh out loud this weekend!

A new blog is born...

Scrapbook and Co has a brand new blog!!!!!

www.scrapbookandcompany.blogspot.com

and Denise clearly was not thinking straight when she gave me access to post ANYTHING I want!!!!! So bookmark the site and stay tuned - just how much havoc can I cause???

Oh - almost forgot, as soon as we get the comment section open, leave a comment this week for a chance to win some FABULOUS Thickers - seriously - how did any of us do a layout before Thickers were invented???

All About Me Class Update...

Back to the original purpose of this blog - scrapbook layouts...

If you missed the "Circle of Friends" class, here is my layout. I tried to take some closeup pics, just comment if you having any problems....

e-harmony for couples?

Ok, so almost everyday I get e-mails from E-Harmony or Match.com promising that they have found my perfect mate. I often wonder if the Ironman has put my name on these lists in a passive aggressive attempt of telling me he wants out. But then I remember the Ironman doesn't do passive aggresive, he's too mellow for that. Any problem can be worked out with an insane workout, remember?

So, I guess I just lucked out and have all this ridiculous spam from match making sites. But here's where my wheels started turning...

Since we moved to BR from NOLA, we haven't made "couple" friends. I've made wonderful scrapbooking friends, Shane has made male friends at work, but we have yet to find a group of couples to hang out with. With all of our previous employers, we instantly found a group of friends - couples and singles - but we also worked for places that were filled with young childless newly married or single professionals. Now, I work with Ashley and Lucy - kind of limits my social interaction and the Ironman's office has this strange dynamic where work and play don't mix.

Me and the Ironman were discussing this over a few too many fancy drinks at Bonefish Grill last night. Thats when I came up with the idea with "e-harmony for couples" and I don't mean "swingers", I just mean people who want to hang out with other people. Singles, couples, doesn't matter, but a mix of people with the same interests.

So feel free to run with the idea, you don't even have to give me any of the credit, just find me some "matches"... Maybe a few less Mojitos next time....