I'm still here...

one year ago today Dr. Spell's office called...luckily Shane answered...they had received the results of my liver and lymph node biopsy and wanted us to come in for the results...and the nurse told Shane not to let me come alone...

I was oblivious....still thinking we were ruling out things to get to the real problem...I can't even imagine how agonizing the two hours were for Shane between the phone call and our appointment...

It's been a hell of a year...Most of the time it doesn't seem real, and there are times when I actually forget, but one glance in the mirror at my bald head always brought me back to reality...It wasn't until Shane Googled "Stages of Lymphoma" that we realized having lymphoma in your lymph nodes, liver and spleen meant Stage Four...and if I had believed what I read in those first few days, I would have given up and succumbed to the inevitable...but Dr. Spell ALWAYS said I would make it...he said it would suck (and he didn't lie), but he NEVER gave us any doubt...We stopped all Internet searches very early on - a VERY important lesson...

I learned many valuable lesson this year...You can probably guess that slowing down to enjoy the small things (especially the small people) -  tops the list...I could lecture on this, but I can understand that unless something traumatic happens to someone, it's really a difficult lesson to embrace...

Chemo sucked...but there was always something to laugh about - most often myself...and laughing ALWAYS helps...

Laughing is wonderful, and if you aren't laughing, you can at least smile...and I've learned that when you are bald, there is one ESSENTIAL fashion accessory...

I am much less judgemental now...I've realized that unless you are in someone else's shoes, you have no idea what they may be dealing with...now I cut people more slack and take a lot more deep breaths... 

And now I smile when people ask, "Is everything back to normal?"...They don't get it, because life will NEVER be "back to normal"...I have a new normal and it is VERY different from one year ago...but when days are difficult (as many still are)... Instead of wallowing, I concentrate on one thing...

and I wake up, put a smile on my face, and welcome a new day....over and over again....I hope you do too...

Only in my dreams...

if I close my eyes and really concentrate...this is what I see around my house...




susieharrisblog.com


farleykids.blogspot.com





oh, I give up...I can visualize these better if I am napping....and since all of these images are pinned on Pinterest, I'm sure I'll get to them...one day...

Sweet Niblets...

And by that, I mean delicious food that my mom cooked and brought to my house...Being totally stuffed leaves me very little energy for anything except "pinning" or blogging, so I here I go...

I set my table using my china for the second time in the fourteen years I've had it...Googled "Place Setting Diagram" to remember how....Before Google I would have had to walk ALL THE WAY upstairs and get the Emily Post book from the bookshelf, then use the Index to find the page on Table Setting...Google is so much easier, and allows me to be SO much lazier....

Even though I took Home Ec at Mt. Carmel, I'm pretty sure "Table Setting" is a use or lose it kind of thing...

I would appreciate it if you didn't mention the lack of stemware...I just left that near the wine...exactly where it should be....

In true Thanksgiving Spirit, we had an Indian present....

A Large Bow Wearing Indian named Hannah along with Avery...and our new dog Coco....no, I didn't stutter, I did say "Our New Dog", and yes, poor Coco looks terrified...she's had bouts of terror since her arrival on Tuesday evening...but she's warming up to us....me especially...

I'm convinced Coco thrives on neglect, because she has chosen ME as her new BFF, and really, I'm the least likely person in this house to go all gaga over her...She actually stood outside the shower and cried the ENTIRE time today...really, can't make this up....

But Avery and Morgan are THRILLED and I'm happy that they are happy...Could this smile be any bigger?  But what melted my heart was when Morgan said, "Mommy, is this a dream?"

So I'm full, thankful that my mom did all the cooking and practically all of the cleaning, happy that my girls are in love with our new dog Coco and REALLY looking forward to my 3am wake up call from Coco's cries...funny that I'm the only one that hears her at 3am...funny in a "not so funny kinda way"

Hope you laughed your way through Thanksgiving!  We did...I mean, mostly we were laughing AT people...but hey, they're family...what did they expect, right?

Got to post the highlights from my NYC trip next, maybe during one of the 3am wake up calls....

Hoping for Infection...

oh boy...my life has had some twists and turns, and I just never know what might be next...

Friday I awoke with swelling in my lower leg accompanied by red splotches...no big deal, right??  Remember, I'm a CPA and the only thing I know about medicine is that sometimes I can deduct medical expenses on a tax return...

The pain stinks, so I mention it to a few people...how does everyone else just KNOW this could be a blood clot???  Did I miss the memo?  What the hell is a blood clot anyway????

By the time I get dressed for the appointment, the pain/swelling and redness has spread up my calf, so in preparation for someone looking at my leg, I shave only the bottom half, good enough, right?

I get to the doctor to find out that blood clots and cellulitis (an infection) look similar...and to check for the clot I need an ultrasound...I also do some blood work to pursue the infection possibility...

so here's where it gets ridiculous...I'm sitting alone in the room waiting for the ultrasound tech...I'm freaking out because I have NO IDEA what you do if you have a blood clot...Shane is in Brazil, Ashley is in Savannah, and my mom has all four of our kids since I'm at the doctor...Naturally I start to cry, partly because I'm scared shitless and partly because I sitting there hoping for an infection...my life is such a circus that I am praying for an INFECTION!

After the ultrasound that started in the GROIN of both legs...remember, I only shaved knee down so I am mortified...I finally start breathing again when I find out its only an infection...

So I'm home, with antibiotics and four cuckoo girls upstairs playing "Fashion Show".  Best part of the day was getting some beautiful shots of my girls...

Thank God for these girls...and infections!!

Disgusted...

I'm not a reality TV junkie...I occasionally check out people.com when I'm thoroughly bored...Of course I glance at the trashy magazine covers while in line at the grocery store...Truthfully I know very little about celebrity gossip/drama...

But today, I was riveted thoroughly bored while listening to continuing ed on the web...so I opened a new window to people.com...  Every headline was about Kim Kardashian's divorce filing...for some reason this has completely revolted me...

Last week I was in a doctor's waiting room (this should come as no surprise) and the TV was tuned to an interview with Kim and Kris... and of course she was complaining about all the work she had to do to prepare for the wedding...her three Vera Wang gowns...the Wolgang Puck menu...blah blah blah...

I just THOUGHT I was disgusted then...fast forward to today when after 72 days she files for divorce...

Are the producers of her show embarrassed?  Because they must realize that while there are true problems in the world that could be helped by an influx of funds, but instead they financed this debacle?  I don't know the price tag on the wedding, or who actually picked up the tab, but I can imagine KK didn't spend much of her own money.  Is Vera Wang embarrassed that she got caught up in the hype too?  along with every other person's whose name is now tainted by association with the KK "wedding"...if you dare call it that??

I prefer not to do any actual research because I'm scared to find out that KK's following might even be stronger now...and that thought is so depressing that I can't face it...

I find comfort in the fact that my world does NOT revolve around attention grabbing, fame hungry people...but it sickens me that I'm probably in the minority...I am going to go to sleep with my (mostly) sweet little girls tonight, thankful that they don't know the likes of KK and her circus...